Normal People?

What do you mean the Pro Wrestling lifestyle leaves people nuts and unbalanced? I mean, that whole "Benoit incident" was a fabrication of the mass media. Chris, Nancy, and whatshisface are living happily in Bermuda. It's just that the media is notorious for mixing up the phrases "moved with his family and started a new life" and "brutally slaughtered them in a fit of ROID RAGE".

You want a well-balanced veteran? Here's yer guy...



Damien Demento.

Damien, or 'Phil' to his mum, had a short-lived professional wrestling career which peaked in the main event of the first ever Monday Night Raw. He was in a match with The Undertaker, to whom he jobbed (You can in fact see that match here). Though if you were to call him a jobber today, he might say something along the lines of the following...



Actually, that's exactly what he'd say. Because that's him. Showing us all that he's OK despite spending several months of his life as a jobber. I do hope that he's saying what he's saying with a dash of irony. Because in all honesty, if your only offence in the biggest match of your life is throwing 4 punches, one kick and an Irish whip, then you my friend, are a jabroni of the highest order.

Someone seems to agree with me, as they created the following and posted it as a response to that very video...



I quite like other people at times like these.

He in fact has a whole string of these video blogs. You can find them here.

The comments people have left for him are wonderful.

Incidentally, I wonder if anyone will ever leave a comment on this blog.

DON'T SAY IT!

Just a quick thought about one segment on the Raw 15th anniversary show for now.

When Eric Bischoff was talking, he was interrupted by Y2J. Bischoff, in an attempt to diss Jericho, pretended to forget his name...

Bischoff: Who are you again? Chris... Chris...

Meanwhile backstage...

Sunny: OH CHRIS! WAAAAAA!!!!
Vince: DON'T SAY BENOIT...

A potential disaster. I could hear Vince's sigh of relief despite watching a recorded version of the show and being thousands of miles away.

You mean it's taped?!

I don't usually get a chance to watch Smackdown. Though this week I didn't get a chance to watch Raw, and therefore made effort to watch Smackdown this week.

Whilst watching it, I was absolutely positive that this blog would be about MVP's bouncer at his VIP lounge. When Michael Hayes made his way to the ring, said bouncer moved the velvet rope so that the Freebird (Who was obviously on the guestlist), could get into the ring. However, unlike most good bouncers, this one decided to let the patrons of the VIP lounge fight it out for some reason. Was he receiving fellatio from an underage girl who wanted access to the VIP lounge at the same time? If not, he better have an equally poor excuse.

But then the gross misconduct continues as he lets Rey Mysterio breeze past him like he was the guard at the gate on Monty Python and the Holy Grail who lets Sir Lancelot slip into the castle to slaughter thousands of wedding guests after killing his mate.

Despite this, I bet we see the bouncer next week. Hopefully though, surrounded by glamourous, scantily-clad call girls.

My main complaint about this week's Smackdown though, came in the main event. The first thing that irritated me was that Edge was disqualified for bringing a steel chair into the ring. He didn't even use it. Next week, he'll get disqualified for looking at his opponent. Then, as he and Batista stared down, the inevitable appearance of The Undertaker happened. But hang on, something seems familiar about this throat-hold-spear thing. Maybe it's something I saw last week? Yes! That's it! The same thing happened last week! Except instead of the Undertaker getting speared by Batista, the Undertaker got speared this week. No. Wait. It was something else that seemed familiar. Oh yeah, that's it. THEY USED LAST WEEK'S FOOTAGE AND PASSED IT OFF AS THIS WEEKS'.

The Undertaker held Edge by the throat, and in the split second it took for Batista to spear the dead man, Edge had miraculously changed his ring attire. Amazing! What made them do that? Why couldn't they just show the footage from that week's tapings?

STOOPID.

Saved

At last, it has happened. Since I first speculated over two months ago, Chris Jericho made his return to the WWE.

Over those two months, I've been saying how "imminent" his return was. Such is the power of Jericho that he can make me mark out without even being on TV for several years.

Such was my anticipation for his return that it was impossible to not have a shiver and feel the hairs on my arms stand on end when the countdown to his entrance began.

From the second he opened his mouth, I was saying his catchphrases along with him just like I did when I was 10 years old. Wrestlers have come and gone in that time, so has my interest in wrestling in general. But now with the very wrestler whose t-shirt was the first wrestling shirt I ever owned back on TV, things have gotten good.

Talentswap

So since I last wrote, Smackdown and ECW have openly been trading talent. However, what nobody's announced is how Smackdown talent is showing up on Raw. Rumours are abound of the abolition of talent-exclusive brands. If this is true, then it's fantastic. It would mean that anybody could pop up at any time on any show. It would also boost ratings if storylines can be shown over two or three shows - that is to say that viewers would have to tune in to three shows a week rather than just one to see progressions in storylines with their favourite wrestlers. Bonus time.

But what good have we seen from the talent swapping as of late? Well, obviously, as was evident last night, Batista's sucky mic-work is now broadcast live and un-edited. What better way to open Raw last night, than to hear a former sex-addict grunting into a microphone...

"Uruuagghhhh!...

Ohhhh! YEAHHH!

Ughh!

It's good to be back on RAW!"

I record all wrestling and watch it in my own time. I tend to skip promos (Especially Dave's) and watch matches if they have good wrestlers in them. But for some reason, I thought about Dave's BASKETBALL rant a few weeks ago and could actually sense gold coming from Dave's verbal diarrhoea.

When explaining the concept of Hell in a Cell, Batista tells us that "Weapons aren't only welcomed.... [looooooooooooong pause]........ They're allowed". GENIUS. In the long pause, you could see that Dave realised that he just used his punchline in his set-up. He looked as if he'd shat himself. Then, as he eventually got the final line out, if you watch it frame-by-frame, you can actually pin-point the exact second where Batista swallows his pride to deliver the last line so coyly. He then held his nose and covered his face, as if he had a stress headache. He didn't move for 5 seconds as he gave people watching time to digest what he actually just said and ask each other "He didn't just say what I think he did did he?". He then justifies it by blabbing out some crap about apologising if his mind's not where it should be or something equally stupid. He then calls out The Undertaker, who does his full entrance to the ring. Dave was staring at 'Taker as if he loved him as he walked to the ring. I was really scared that he was going to rip The Undertaker's clothes off and make him sit on his face. Thank God William Regal came out to interrupt what could easily have elevated into two grown men humping within the next 5 seconds.

The tag champs only got squashed because Batista and Taker were so overcome with testosterone that they would have been unstoppable in that ring. No jerkface, not THAT ring.

Too Used

So news broke this week that TNA were in talks with Brian Lawler and Scott Garland. AKA Royal Rumble 2000 interval act - Too Cool.

TNA obviously believe that tag team wrestling isn't dead yet. But they'll do everything in their power to make sure it happens. Why not hire a criminal to do this? And when that fails to kill the tag division, stick to what you're good at and continue re-hiring former WWE and WCW "talent".

Click the thumbnail for this week's comic strip...


When TNA realises how to be good, WWE will pick up its' game and finally be good. The result? Fans win!

To be the man...

So Ric Flair's not been around for a while. He's at loggerheads with Vince over plans for his retirement angle.

Some media sources in Carolina are even describing him as a "retired professional wrestler".

But why is he upset? Let's look back to when we last saw Space Mountain himself.

It was on Smackdown. And he jobbed for someone. Not just anybody though. It was the Great Khali. It was the debut of the head squish of doom. WWE creative decided to make a living legend job to the worst move of all time in order to put Khali over.


(Click here to see the image properly)

No wonder Ric's not been on TV for a while. He has self-respect.

HALLELUJAH!

In mental circumstances, John Cena has been stripped of the WWE title after over a year with the strap.

Mick Foley always said that the most painful looking moves are usually the least painful to actually take and vice versa. It comes as no surprise then, that John Cena is out of action for up to a year because of a hip toss.

It's sad to see such a major injury happen in the ring (HIS MUSCLE WAS TORN FROM THE BONE) regardless of the person it happens to.

So what of the WWE title now?

There will be a title match to crown a new champion at No Mercy on sunday night. My guess is that this match will be between Randy Orton and hopefully, fingers crossed, I really hope so, a returning Chris Jericho. But Jericho as a face? Possibly. He was cheered when he first arrived at the WWF when he was talking trash on the company's biggest face.

I usually avoid paying for PPVs as Sky tend to put only the Big Four on Box Office while the rest are on SkySports. WHY IS NO MERCY ON BOX OFFICE?!

Yargh. £15 to see Y2J's return. He's worth it. I'll even avoid wrestling sites the day after to make sure that I see his return as if it were live.

Jesus I'm such a mark.

We are saved!

At the Smackdown taping last night, Vickie Guerrero stripped Hornswaggle of the Cruiserweight title. HOORAY! Now let's let the cruiserweights do some WRESTLING and remove the skid-stains left on that belt and try and give it some decorum.

The original Saviour of Wrestling is slated to make a return soon aswell. Here's a promo that aired on Raw...



Can you guess who it is yet?

No, I know, it's nonsensical. However every smark who isn't me somehow guessed it was Y2J. HOW THE FLIP?!

He'll either be returning at No Mercy or Cyber Sunday according to the "clues" in that video". No other smark has speculated as to which brand he'll be joining. I'm guessing Smackdown. The promo was blue DUH! But his book-signing schedule has no dates on a monday, so that puts Raw into the frame. To be honest, there's not a chance that Jericho would be on a show that isn't Raw.

I don't care if Jericho doesn't wrestle you know. As long as he gets TV time and a chance to do promos like the ones below, I'll be happy.

GO JERICHO GO!
GO JERICHO GO!
GO JERICHO GO!

Speaking too soon

Ok. Maybe Khali isn't disappearing as quickly as I'd hoped. It was wishful thinking of the highest order to be honest. A Punjabi Prison match has been announced for No Mercy. I wonder what rare ailment will prevent Khali from wrestling in this one.

Either way, if they are trying to get Batista to bury him, then why not get him buried in his own match specialty? One more month of this shit.

In good wrestling news, Chris Jericho is apparently in talks with both TNA and WWE. I hope he goes to WWE. His potential will be exploited there, whereas on TNA he'll be at the top of the midcard. Only Kurt Angle and Joe seem to be Main eventers there. BOO.

Here's Jericho at his finest...

The Great Khali: An obituary

And so, fingers crossed, it is now time to bury Khali.

He reached the dizzy heights of Smackdown and peaked as World Champ before being pinned after Batista's glorified transition move. But where did the ugly freak who can't wrestle come from? Well, now is the time to look back at his undeserved career.

In 1996, Giant Singh made his debut in All Pro Wrestling. By summer 2001, Khali's killing of Brian Ong in the ring had sent his star into the ascent. New Japan were interested and decided that a tag team of two 7'+ guys would put on good matches. The unevitable happened, and a falling out between the World's largest tag team created the kind of feud that all promoters dream of - CLASH OF THE FREAKS. Unfortunately, this opinion differs to that of wrestling fans. They prefer CLASH OF THE PEOPLE WHO CAN HOLD A DECENT MATCH. Here's that match...



0:35 - Octopus stretch?!
1:15 - PLANCHA! To his feet.
3:14 - What's happening? Is he giving him a hug?
3:25 - Look out for that clothesline Khali! It's so big it might even hit you before it hits you!
3:50 - is that an Edge impression? Either way, Khali's better at making spears look good now...
4:00 - HOLY CRAP! HE'S CLIMBED ALL THE WAY UP TO THE SECOND ROPE!

Anyway, let's not dwell on the golden years of Japanese wrestling. Khali became a househould name in the US. His debut was interfering in a match between The Undertaker and Mark Henry - two people who it would seem have had the World's longest feud thanks to both of them receiving intermittent injuries. Khali then went on a rampage in squash matches against much weaker opponents to show the world that he can destroy the jobbers.

His feud with the Undertaker escalated when Khali challenged him to the unheard of PUNJABI PRISON MATCH. At first, I thought that the match's stipulation would involve non-consential sodomy, however I turned out to be disappointed. Mere hours before the big PPV match, Khali was diagnosed with elevated liver enzymes. What a shame that Smackdown's latest star couldn't wrestle on live PPV. Luckily, the storyline writers decided that the logical replacement to continue the storyline would be The Big Show.

A Last Man Standing match was the scheduled re-match, and was due to take place at the next PPV - Summerslam.

For an unexplained reason, this match, which was expected to be broadcast LIVE on PPV was moved to the pre-recorded Smackdown show the week before. It was probably to edit out the awesome that Khali was definitely going to unleash during the match - much more awesome than your average wrestling fan can handle.

For a few months after that, Khali was deemed extreme and spend his time burying the ECW originals - wrestlers who were respected before Khali buried them. Such is the awesome of Khali.

After this, the Punjabi Punisher (as his 3 fans loved to call him) went to RAW - The A show! Unfortunately, the big man bit off more than he could chew by doing this by entering a feud with John Cena. A feud he'd come out of worse for. It seemed that Raw's own king of Awesome - Cena - was too many levels of awesome above Khali. Having tapped out in controversial circumstances to the STFU - Khali, the monster, had been pinned by Cena. WOW! HOW COOL IS THE MARINE?!

He was later drafted to Smackdown, where the injured Edge vacated his title and a 20 man Battle Royal was held to find a new champion. Khali kicked ass much like Ric Flair in Royal Rumble 92, only the fans cheered louder for Flair, and came out as the new champ. A feud between himself and Batista developed, and the big title match was held at Summerslam. Khali's power went out of control and he actually got disqualified for too many awesomes in a match, or using a steel chair, or something like that. Either way, KHALI RETAINED! His title defence was one that the fans at the arena will never forget. Maybe they wish they could, but that's because they're racist and hate seeing non-Americans retain.

Eventually, at Unforgiven, in a triple threat match between Khali, Batista and Rey Mysterio, Khali was pinned. But it was totally unfair as Mysterio had been powerbombed onto Khali and that should've had Batista DQ'd straight away. Unfortunately, that was the end of Khali. We can only wait and see what Smackdown holds for him in the near future.

Thank God for Dave

I cannot believe it. Batista is the new World Champ. Not only is he the new champ, but he pinned Khali for it. In a triple threat match where Batista could easily have pinned Rey Mysterio, he pinned Khali for the win. This is groundbreaking. Have the WWE bookers finally realized it's time to bury the overgrown amateur? I genuinely hope so.

The way things are going for him, I wouldn't be surprised if Hornswaggle gets a pinfall on the big freak if they were deciding to bury him.

I don't particularly like Dave, and at the moment don't care for that belt. But I'm absolutely over the moon that Dave's the champ. Hopefully a feud with Mysterio will follow. There's no chance Mysterio's going heel as he's too marketable and has too much unique merchandise - the sales of which will decline if he was to turn. A heel Batista? Oooh how tasty.

In other news, Cena gets booed for the stupidest ending to a championship match since Khali retained at Summerslam this year.

Illegitimate Son

It's been a while since I last wrote, for that I apologise.

However, I'm glad to make a post about the illegitimate son angle.

By the sounds of it, they managed to draw it out well on Raw and actually build up some suspense. However, the fact that it looks like Hornswaggle is getting some sort of push is mental.

After the 90s steroid scandal, smaller guys like Bret Hart and HBK got pushes. Now that the smaller guys (Edge, John Morrison) are suspended in another steroids scandal, it looks like Vince is taking it to the extreme. First Hornswaggle becomes cruiserweight champ, then he's the main storyline of Raw. IT'S NUTS.

I feel for WWE because they had one of their biggest storylines for years in the McMahon death angle, but that had to be ditched because of the Benoit situation. Now they have a backup huge storyline and decide to suspend one of its' main antagonists and therefore ditch the backup huge storyline.

The fact that they actually revealed Hornswaggle as the son and not stretch it out is ridiculous. This will last until te suspensions are over and the "real" illegitimate son returns. Good luck to Creative in explaining it though!

Hornswaggle as Cruiserweight champ was too far in my opinion. This is taking the mick. Crock of gold? Nahh... crock of something else.

ROH movers

Jimmy Rave has signed a deal with TNA. This is awesome. Jimmy's gimmick of the cocky, laid-back, couldn't-give-a-crap heel is fantastic, and I'm so glad he's been picked up. The only thing I'm worried about is that they either don't use him at all (a la Jerry Lynn), or that they use him as a jobber to put over past it WWF/WCW guys who don't need putting over (Homicide much?).

Apparently Rave is scheduled to make his debut at No Surrender in a Tag Team Gauntlet match with Lance Hoyt. I'm guessing he'll have a good showing to encourage a push in the following weeks. Putting him in a tag team is such a safe choice though. Everyone seems to be in a tag team these days. Why not exploit his cockiness as a singles wrestler? If he was that cocky, why would he be teaming up with someone else?

TNA's recent use of talent has become stale and lazy. The only feuds I can think of that are ongoing in TNA are Joe vs. Angle (Will it ever end?) and the upcoming feud between Abyss and Ricky Banderas. THAT'S NOT EVEN A FEUD YET.

Everyone seems to be semi-pissed off at each other for no apparent reason other than to have matches. If the rumours that Joe wants out are true, then I dread to think what will happen if he actually does leave. What will it be? Angle vs. Anyone? The problem is that the mid-card seems to have two tiers. Angle and Joe are the current main eventers, while AJ Styles, Abyss, Christian Cage and Sting seem to be in endless matches with each other that mean absolutely nothing. They're all main event standard, they've proven that, but they're not even in contention for the belt. STUPID BOOKING!

My favourite wrestling rumour of this week though has to be that Brian Gerwitz, head writer for RAW, likes Delirious. That is genuinely fantastic. I would love to hear The Fink doing the introduction "From the Edge of Sanity...". Not Lillian though. She would genuinely suck at it. I mean, positively blow. Nothing against her, I'm sure she's lovely, but her feminine voice pales at the thought of the Fink.

In other news, I saw the greatest match that's ever been on Heat today. Click here to see it.

Summerspam

Summerslam has been and gone. To be honest, it was a pretty good PPV. Especially seeing how bare of huge stars the card was for one of the Big 4.

Time for a dis-jointed view of events. Don't expect any chronological order.

The main event was great. The atmosphere that came across on TV was a very rowdy one. I don't think the crowd were quiet at any one point. From the opening collar and elbow that went to Cena putting Orton in the side-headlock resulting in Cena getting the crap boo'd out of him, I knew it would be a good match. I think the only criticism I have for this match is Orton's no-selling of the 5 knuckle shuffle. He just got straight up and walked into the F-U. I'm sure he was meant to look dazed, but he failed miserably. Despite this, it was an enjoyable main event with a pretty good ending (even though Cena's still champ).

Khali v. Batista was a million miles away from what I was expecting. I had very low expectations, which were blown away by a performance that sucked even harder than I'd anticipated. The match ended in a DQ. A blatant DQ aswell. AFTER SEVEN MINUTES. Goodbye to any prestige that belt once held. The only up side to this match is that Dave didn't look like he cared how he hit Khali with the chair after the match. He genuinely looked as if he didn't care if Khali got hurt. Always a bonus.

The Diva Battle Royale, was exactly what it claimed. However I think judging by last night's costumes, The Camel Toe Convention would probably be a better name. Nothing special, but I'm glad that Beth Phoenix won rather than someone who can't actually wrestle. However in the middle of her celebrations MVP's music began and we were straight into the next segment. This renders any sense of accomplishment for Phoenix absolutely redundant.

Then we enter the beer drinking contest. The crowd were chanting for Austin as soon as MVP mentioned the word beer. However I suspect that if Austin hadn't appeared on SNME last week, then no one would've been chanting his name, and the surprise of him coming out would've been even bigger. No great loss though, as he got a HUGE pop and did exactly what people wanted. I wasn't at all surprised that he gave MVP the Stunner before the contest began.

Best night of the match was easily HHH v. King Booker. Something absolutely magical happened in this match that hasn't been seen on WWE TV for quite some time. I'm not sure if you noticed or not, but it was truly wonderful and special; Booker and Triple H worked the crowd. On WWE TV you say? Unbelievable I know. But they worked them well and had a fantastic match with a great sequence of reversals to end the match.

A close second was the IC triple threat match. From the way that match panned out, I'd guess that we'll see a feud between Carlito and Kennedy. Leaving Umaga to battle it out with the returning Jeff Hardy. The only thing is that Umaga's recently turned face. Would that possibly mean that Jeff would come back heel? He'd get huge heat because he's so over as a face. Think of Hogan turning heel in WCW, only not to that scale. His old fans who loved him would absolutely hate him. Wonderful.

The biggest disappointment of the night came when CM Punk lost to John Morrison in a pretty average match. And to be honest, that's probably quite a generous way of putting it. Some great spots (modified backdrop onto the apron anyone?) got no reaction from a crowd who obviously didn't care. CM Punk wrestled in the first 5 star match in the US for over 7 years in 2004 after a 60-minute time limit draw. However, give him a 10 minute spot at PPV which is booked poorly (ie he should win the strap at one of the Big 4, and especially with a clean win), then you're going to get what we saw last night. A huge shame to be honest.

The most important thing that I noticed last night was that Rey Mysterio, having been connected to the evil Dr. Phil Astin, makes his return from injury with almost no muscle definition whatsoever.

Also worthy of note was how small HHH looked compared to his usual juiced-up self. They both look far better for it, but I don't think it's a coincidence that these two have shrank in size during time off when the Benoit tragedy occured and the word 'steroids' has been thrown about non-stop.

Special mention to Kane and Finlay who had a good match and bumped like mad for each other. The tease of the chokeslam throughout the match made it that much more special when he pulled it off. One day the bookers will realise that Hornswaggle adds less to the company than Khali and kill him off. My dream match for Unforgiven would be champ vs. champ. Hornswaggle vs. Khali. The same 2 moves repeated for 40 minutes (If title matches have to last 20 minutes and there are two titles then it has to last 40)!

After rumours surfaced last week of JR and the King being split up, I was quite relieved to hear of this stale duo being refreshed. It seems that in the past few years that they've forgotten how to call matches and put people over whilst being entertaining. But a rumour of the King being kicked off Raw seems to have sent a message to him that he doesn't like. So what does the King do? Comes out with some absolute nuggets of gold in his colour commentary.

JL: She looks like my fourth wife!
JR: How many wives have you had?
JL: Three.

JR even managed to get a beautiful line in after the Mae Young skit. "Old chicken makes good soup" says Vince after Mae Young kiss-raped him. Back to the arena and a horrified JR: "I'm never eating chicken soup again for as long as I shall live".

Lots happened at the PPV, and it was an alright show really.

The biggest secret in pro wrestling today

I didn't believe it when I read it. However it has come to my attention that The Great Khali made his pro wrestling debut in 1996.

THE GREAT KHALI IS AN ELEVEN YEAR VETERAN.

He also wrestled for NJPW. That's quite a nice little CV he's got there.

I've always enjoyed watching wrestling since I was a kid. But in my short time of really loving it and being interested in the backstage side of it (which to be fair is probably only 2 years), I think I could actually have a better match against Batista than Khali. I've got no moves, strength or fitness to last 20 minutes, but I'd still have a better match with Dave.

I have no formal training in wrestling. But having said that, I'm pretty sure I'd do a better job than Khali of making it look like I'd had training. Each and every single on of my punches would show light, but the fans wouldn't care because I have the ability to sell punches without a 3 second satellite delay.

I like this website because it shows that India has no such thing as a smark. Good for them. I'm going to go and pity myself now for becoming a smark. Not as much as I'll pity Khali's development as a wrestler over the past 10 years though.

Welcome

So because I'm such a saddo with little in my life, I've decided to start a blog on Pro Wrestling. Maybe, with more happening in pro wrestling than my own life, I might actually write a bit more for this blog.

I'm going to use this blog to discuss pro wrestling rumours, storylines, matches etc from whatever wrestling I've seen recently. Expect WWE, TNA, ROH and a tiny bit of other stuff.

You should also expect my opinion. Which is easily confused with scientific fact. But don't worry about that.

I'll start with my preview of Summerslam next weekend.

Summerslam, as one of the big 4 is also a PPV in the UK. I'm actually tempted to fork out £15 to watch this year. The first time I will ever have done so. Maybe it's because the card's good, maybe because there's a day off work on monday, or maybe because I can afford it now. Either way, let's start by looking at the card...

John Cena vs. Randy Orton

If, 6 months ago, you will have told me that this was the main event for Summerslam, I would've been disappointed. Both wrestlers have done well to keep main event status despite the fact that their characters are shallow and have never developed. Despite this, there's a reason for them being over. And the past few weeks of building this feud has actually been quite exciting. Randy Orton looks to be a superstar and Cena is some chump who probably found the strap in the locker room. Undoubtedly, this underdog status that Cena has at every PPV is because when he wins at the PPV, it'll get him over. There's not a chance that Cena will lose this match. He never loses. That fact gets him over with kids and makes adults bored of him. We need a new champ.

My prediction: 50/50 throughout, momentum shift to Orton towards the end, then Cena gets it out of nowhere.
Clean finish likelihood: 30%
What I want to happen: Orton walking out with the strap after a clean finish

Triple H vs. King Booker

I've never particularly enjoyed watching HHH in the ring. I don't find anything outstanding about knee combos. I've not been particularly fussed about his comeback either. But for some reason I've been swept up in all the hype of his return. Wrestling gossip sites have been mentioning how there's fuss about his return without even implying that they're excited, but I've still managed to get excited for his return!

Booker's absolutely great. The King Booker gimmick is tired, but I'm glad they stuck with it. It keeps him fresh, and I doubt he'd get any heat (face or heel) if he was still asking if we could dig it. I'm guessing HHH wanted Booker to be his opponent for his comeback match because let's face it, he's got a bit of pulling power these days and tends to get what he wants. For this reason, I'm excited for this match. Triple H has had 6 months of rehab time to think of spots for this one match against an opponent he wants to fight. I for one can't wait.

My prediction: Early advantage to Booker. Triple H to win cleanly by pinfall.
Clean finish likelihood: 85%
What I want to happen: Early advantage to Booker. Triple H to win cleanly by pinfall.

The Great Khali vs. Batista

Oh God why? This match will be dog vomit of the most acidic variety. Khali's selling on satellite delay will do nothing in a match that will undoubtedly do a lot to get Batista even more over. This is a World title match. By law, all world title matches must last at least 20 minutes. Khali couldn't even wrestle Kane convincingly for 10 minutes on Smackdown last week or do a convincing 5 minute beatdown on Dave. This match will be worse than listening to Def Leppard.

My prediction: No one will care
Clean finish likelihood: 99%
What I want to happen: Khali to have an asthma attack

Rey Mysterio vs. Chavo Guerrero

Rey Mysterio's much-anticipated return. Against an opponent he no doubt also chose. This will be the pop of the night. Rey will be massively over (pay attention Cena) and the match will be quite good.

My prediction: Huge pops for Rey and his signature moves, heel tactics from Chavo getting massive heat. A win for Rey.
Clean finish likelihood: 75%
What I want to happen: A close match with a nice little rub for Chavo to make this feud a little more interesting

John Morrison vs. CM Punk

CM Punk will win this match. Undoubtedly. I'm guessing this storyline is the storyline they wanted Punk to follow with Benoit. Imagine if Punk had been chasing him and the title for a few months and to win it at Summerslam. It would've been a rub comparable to the one RVD got off Bam Bam when he won the ECW title way back when, and Punk would have been a superhero.

Morrison's new character is great. It's a polished version of Nitro and is perfect for a heel with the strap. However Punk's gotta be the smark's choice for this match. Especially considering he lost by pinfall on the ECW show prior to the PPV.

My prediction: Hard fought battle throughout. Punk kicks out of all of Morrison's signature moves and gets a flurry of offense before the GTS for the clean pinfall.
Clean finish likelihood: 99%
What I want to happen: See above.

Umaga vs. Carlito vs. Mr. Kennedy

This match is probably the reason I'll be buying the PPV. These three wrestlers are top talent. Umaga's slated face turn will be great if last week's Raw was anything to go by. His hot tag got a huge pop and his execution of moves is just full of intensity. His no-sell of the Backcracker was one of the best things I've seen on Raw in a while. The way he turned around to see a scared Carlito was great. The only downside to a potential face-turn is that he'll probably get very cartoony very quickly and lose any kind of credibility that the character once had.

This match is definitely there to set up a feud between Kennedy and Umaga. Neither needs to win the IC title for them to have a great feud, but then again I can't see this feud without a belt. Despite this, Carlito taking on a new face in a feud sounds alright too.

My prediction: Umaga to pin Kennedy after they both spend the entire match killing Carlito. I expect a big spot (probably through the announcers' table) to take Carlito out so Umaga and Kennedy can slug it out for the win.
Clean finish likelihood: 99%
What I want to happen: All three men battering the crap out of each other and Kennedy winning.

And thus the preview of Summerslam is complete. The card makes for quite a good PPV. The only thing that would make it suck is if they over-do the Vince McMahon "Who's my son?" storyline between matches. I'm expecting funny vignettes, but anything more will suck.

I'll keep writing, so you keep reading.