Andrew "Test" Martin Dies

Andrew Martin, better known to wrestling fans as "Test" during his time in WWE has been found dead at the age of 33.

After a chance meeting with Bret Hart at a restaurant in the late 90s, Martin began his in-ring training.

He made his WWE debut in late 1998 after a brief period on the Canadian indy circuit. Introduced initially as the badass bodyguard of Earth's gayest rock band, Mötley Crüe, Test soon aligned himself with Mr. McMahon's evil Corporation.

Having been kicked out of the Corporation for being too cool (he did after all know Mötley Crüe), he played his part in one or two storylines that were quite major at the time but of no real worthiness to look back on in depth right now.

The next peak for the lover of leather pants was when he was repackaged with a new tag team partner - the wrestler formerly known as Prince Albert. They were managed by the incomparable Trish Stratus. Someone who, despite her relative inexperience in the wrestling business compared to them, was easily better than her two wrestlemonkeys.

Test was eventually released by WWE in 2004 after he was injured and allegedly undergoing spinal fusion surgery.

What actually happened on that operating table remains a mystery (In fact, I'm sure we might not ever find out the truth). But when Test made his return to TV on WWE in 2006, it only seemed to confirm the rumours that he had been transformed on the operating table into a Centaur...



Unfortunately for Martin, part of the rehabilitation process for becoming a mythical Greek beast, alongside eating ketamine like it was chocolate frosting to help him sleep, was to take massive amounts of human testosterone. This was to stop him from tipping over the edge (many before him had forgotten to take their supplements and ended up eating straw in fields, alienated from human society). His employers didn't take kindly to this and suspended him for violating their Wellness Policy. He was released from his WWE contract several days later.

As a recently released WWE wrestler, he inevitably ended up on TNA. Despite knowing that he was taking steroids, TNA still employed him. Job security seemed to be on the cards for Martin. That was until the day he was found with a feedbag strapped to his face, stood next to an empty table where Jeff Jarrett's rider once stood. So long Centaur.

In December 2007, after floundering on the independent circuit for a while, Martin announced that he would retire from wrestling after an upcoming tour of Ireland.

I'm happy to reveal the following news. This is a Chewin' The Mat exclusive. On his final tour as a wrestler in Ireland, Andrew "Test" Martin met champion jockey Ruby Walsh. This chance meeting led to Martin training to become a racehorse. In fact, he was due to be the first Centaur to race at the Cheltenham festival in 2009. This caused much controversy, with the Racing Post famously declaring it "a fucking disgrace". Martin argued that his previous attachment to sports with pre-arranged results was enough to get by in British horse racing.

Only Martin's controversial appearance wasn't to be. He withdrew from the event with only days to spare, citing "personal reasons". During this time, his Wikipedia article was altered saying that he'd killed his girlfriend, Kelly Kelly, after going into a rage on a sugarlump-induced high. This later turned out to be false, though Martin was found dead two days later in his Tampa apartment by a local Vet.

A postmortem is due to be carried out.

Andrew "Test" Martin 1975 - 2009

Draft Part 2

HOLY MOLY! Talk about your good TV! Last night's 3-hour RAW was incredible. Not only was there lots of wrestling, but what a cliffhanger! That's already three exclamation marks, I need to calm down.

So let's talk about the draft. ECW gaining a US champion smells a lot like their gain last year of a then recently uncrowned US Champ. If Matt Hardy had a wife, which he blatantly doesn't, she should be worried.

ECW's gaining of a belt that means something should hopefully elevate the C-show.

RAW gained a Mexican midget, two champions and every smark's favourite wrestler. Nothing of really huge note there at all really. Just a welcome change and an input of fresh talent to a show which only had viewers recently because they were being bribed.

If last night was a competition, Smackdown was definitely the night's winners.

I thought the addition of Foley to the announcers' table earlier this year was a masterstroke. Taking JR over to the blue brand is a stroke of even greater genius. JR's reportedly unhappy, and his own blog certainly backs that up with claims that he considered retiring because of it. Though to be honest, I have a feeling that JR, a wrestling traditionalist, is adding fuel to the flames of kayfabe. Joining Foley would be something I imagine both parties (that is Foley and JR), who share a mutual respect and have a genuine friendship with each other, were equally happy to do.

Jeff Hardy, Kennedy (...Kennedy), and most of all, Triple H joining Smackdown is incredible news. All three are superbly talented, and this kind of shake-up (especially Triple H's moving) are just what Smackdown needed. Raw needed it aswell to be honest. Triple H was holding people back from the main event on Raw, and he'd been doing it for years. At least on Smackdown there's nobody for him to hold back and he can reign somewhat convincingly.

The timing of all this re-shaping and moving of champions is all rather good aswell. What a coincidence that WWE's next PPV, Night of the Champions this Sunday, has all champions defending their titles. So if someone's taken their belt to a different brand, there's a chance for it all to be balanced out. If the bookers and writers feel that way, they can claim their belts back. The downside of this though is that the Main Event's result will be seen from a mile off. If Triple H beats John Cena, then Edge loses to Batista. The opposite is also true - that is that a Cena victory means an Edge win seeing as no brand can have both titles kicking about for too long while the other brand has nothing to boast of.

But what about the talking point of the evening? Vince McMahon's limo exploded! Oh wait, sorry, I mean he was injured by a sign. I apologise for that slip. But it was difficult not to do seeing as they're recycling storylines all of a sudden. Storylines from a year ago. Storylines that weren't seen through to the end. Storylines that they're going to see out to the bitter end whether it kills us or not. It must be a really good storyline seeing as they're so adamant for us to see it.

Also, today's the one year anniversary of Chris Benoit's work out rage attacks. I'll write about the implications of it later this week and reflect on how wrestling's changed.

Meanwhile, I encourage you to leave a comment with your thoughts on this year's draft.