Wednesday, 29 August 2007

ROH movers

Jimmy Rave has signed a deal with TNA. This is awesome. Jimmy's gimmick of the cocky, laid-back, couldn't-give-a-crap heel is fantastic, and I'm so glad he's been picked up. The only thing I'm worried about is that they either don't use him at all (a la Jerry Lynn), or that they use him as a jobber to put over past it WWF/WCW guys who don't need putting over (Homicide much?).

Apparently Rave is scheduled to make his debut at No Surrender in a Tag Team Gauntlet match with Lance Hoyt. I'm guessing he'll have a good showing to encourage a push in the following weeks. Putting him in a tag team is such a safe choice though. Everyone seems to be in a tag team these days. Why not exploit his cockiness as a singles wrestler? If he was that cocky, why would he be teaming up with someone else?

TNA's recent use of talent has become stale and lazy. The only feuds I can think of that are ongoing in TNA are Joe vs. Angle (Will it ever end?) and the upcoming feud between Abyss and Ricky Banderas. THAT'S NOT EVEN A FEUD YET.

Everyone seems to be semi-pissed off at each other for no apparent reason other than to have matches. If the rumours that Joe wants out are true, then I dread to think what will happen if he actually does leave. What will it be? Angle vs. Anyone? The problem is that the mid-card seems to have two tiers. Angle and Joe are the current main eventers, while AJ Styles, Abyss, Christian Cage and Sting seem to be in endless matches with each other that mean absolutely nothing. They're all main event standard, they've proven that, but they're not even in contention for the belt. STUPID BOOKING!

My favourite wrestling rumour of this week though has to be that Brian Gerwitz, head writer for RAW, likes Delirious. That is genuinely fantastic. I would love to hear The Fink doing the introduction "From the Edge of Sanity...". Not Lillian though. She would genuinely suck at it. I mean, positively blow. Nothing against her, I'm sure she's lovely, but her feminine voice pales at the thought of the Fink.

In other news, I saw the greatest match that's ever been on Heat today. Click here to see it.

Monday, 27 August 2007


Summerslam has been and gone. To be honest, it was a pretty good PPV. Especially seeing how bare of huge stars the card was for one of the Big 4.

Time for a dis-jointed view of events. Don't expect any chronological order.

The main event was great. The atmosphere that came across on TV was a very rowdy one. I don't think the crowd were quiet at any one point. From the opening collar and elbow that went to Cena putting Orton in the side-headlock resulting in Cena getting the crap boo'd out of him, I knew it would be a good match. I think the only criticism I have for this match is Orton's no-selling of the 5 knuckle shuffle. He just got straight up and walked into the F-U. I'm sure he was meant to look dazed, but he failed miserably. Despite this, it was an enjoyable main event with a pretty good ending (even though Cena's still champ).

Khali v. Batista was a million miles away from what I was expecting. I had very low expectations, which were blown away by a performance that sucked even harder than I'd anticipated. The match ended in a DQ. A blatant DQ aswell. AFTER SEVEN MINUTES. Goodbye to any prestige that belt once held. The only up side to this match is that Dave didn't look like he cared how he hit Khali with the chair after the match. He genuinely looked as if he didn't care if Khali got hurt. Always a bonus.

The Diva Battle Royale, was exactly what it claimed. However I think judging by last night's costumes, The Camel Toe Convention would probably be a better name. Nothing special, but I'm glad that Beth Phoenix won rather than someone who can't actually wrestle. However in the middle of her celebrations MVP's music began and we were straight into the next segment. This renders any sense of accomplishment for Phoenix absolutely redundant.

Then we enter the beer drinking contest. The crowd were chanting for Austin as soon as MVP mentioned the word beer. However I suspect that if Austin hadn't appeared on SNME last week, then no one would've been chanting his name, and the surprise of him coming out would've been even bigger. No great loss though, as he got a HUGE pop and did exactly what people wanted. I wasn't at all surprised that he gave MVP the Stunner before the contest began.

Best night of the match was easily HHH v. King Booker. Something absolutely magical happened in this match that hasn't been seen on WWE TV for quite some time. I'm not sure if you noticed or not, but it was truly wonderful and special; Booker and Triple H worked the crowd. On WWE TV you say? Unbelievable I know. But they worked them well and had a fantastic match with a great sequence of reversals to end the match.

A close second was the IC triple threat match. From the way that match panned out, I'd guess that we'll see a feud between Carlito and Kennedy. Leaving Umaga to battle it out with the returning Jeff Hardy. The only thing is that Umaga's recently turned face. Would that possibly mean that Jeff would come back heel? He'd get huge heat because he's so over as a face. Think of Hogan turning heel in WCW, only not to that scale. His old fans who loved him would absolutely hate him. Wonderful.

The biggest disappointment of the night came when CM Punk lost to John Morrison in a pretty average match. And to be honest, that's probably quite a generous way of putting it. Some great spots (modified backdrop onto the apron anyone?) got no reaction from a crowd who obviously didn't care. CM Punk wrestled in the first 5 star match in the US for over 7 years in 2004 after a 60-minute time limit draw. However, give him a 10 minute spot at PPV which is booked poorly (ie he should win the strap at one of the Big 4, and especially with a clean win), then you're going to get what we saw last night. A huge shame to be honest.

The most important thing that I noticed last night was that Rey Mysterio, having been connected to the evil Dr. Phil Astin, makes his return from injury with almost no muscle definition whatsoever.

Also worthy of note was how small HHH looked compared to his usual juiced-up self. They both look far better for it, but I don't think it's a coincidence that these two have shrank in size during time off when the Benoit tragedy occured and the word 'steroids' has been thrown about non-stop.

Special mention to Kane and Finlay who had a good match and bumped like mad for each other. The tease of the chokeslam throughout the match made it that much more special when he pulled it off. One day the bookers will realise that Hornswaggle adds less to the company than Khali and kill him off. My dream match for Unforgiven would be champ vs. champ. Hornswaggle vs. Khali. The same 2 moves repeated for 40 minutes (If title matches have to last 20 minutes and there are two titles then it has to last 40)!

After rumours surfaced last week of JR and the King being split up, I was quite relieved to hear of this stale duo being refreshed. It seems that in the past few years that they've forgotten how to call matches and put people over whilst being entertaining. But a rumour of the King being kicked off Raw seems to have sent a message to him that he doesn't like. So what does the King do? Comes out with some absolute nuggets of gold in his colour commentary.

JL: She looks like my fourth wife!
JR: How many wives have you had?
JL: Three.

JR even managed to get a beautiful line in after the Mae Young skit. "Old chicken makes good soup" says Vince after Mae Young kiss-raped him. Back to the arena and a horrified JR: "I'm never eating chicken soup again for as long as I shall live".

Lots happened at the PPV, and it was an alright show really.

Thursday, 23 August 2007

The biggest secret in pro wrestling today

I didn't believe it when I read it. However it has come to my attention that The Great Khali made his pro wrestling debut in 1996.


He also wrestled for NJPW. That's quite a nice little CV he's got there.

I've always enjoyed watching wrestling since I was a kid. But in my short time of really loving it and being interested in the backstage side of it (which to be fair is probably only 2 years), I think I could actually have a better match against Batista than Khali. I've got no moves, strength or fitness to last 20 minutes, but I'd still have a better match with Dave.

I have no formal training in wrestling. But having said that, I'm pretty sure I'd do a better job than Khali of making it look like I'd had training. Each and every single on of my punches would show light, but the fans wouldn't care because I have the ability to sell punches without a 3 second satellite delay.

I like this website because it shows that India has no such thing as a smark. Good for them. I'm going to go and pity myself now for becoming a smark. Not as much as I'll pity Khali's development as a wrestler over the past 10 years though.

Wednesday, 22 August 2007


So because I'm such a saddo with little in my life, I've decided to start a blog on Pro Wrestling. Maybe, with more happening in pro wrestling than my own life, I might actually write a bit more for this blog.

I'm going to use this blog to discuss pro wrestling rumours, storylines, matches etc from whatever wrestling I've seen recently. Expect WWE, TNA, ROH and a tiny bit of other stuff.

You should also expect my opinion. Which is easily confused with scientific fact. But don't worry about that.

I'll start with my preview of Summerslam next weekend.

Summerslam, as one of the big 4 is also a PPV in the UK. I'm actually tempted to fork out £15 to watch this year. The first time I will ever have done so. Maybe it's because the card's good, maybe because there's a day off work on monday, or maybe because I can afford it now. Either way, let's start by looking at the card...

John Cena vs. Randy Orton

If, 6 months ago, you will have told me that this was the main event for Summerslam, I would've been disappointed. Both wrestlers have done well to keep main event status despite the fact that their characters are shallow and have never developed. Despite this, there's a reason for them being over. And the past few weeks of building this feud has actually been quite exciting. Randy Orton looks to be a superstar and Cena is some chump who probably found the strap in the locker room. Undoubtedly, this underdog status that Cena has at every PPV is because when he wins at the PPV, it'll get him over. There's not a chance that Cena will lose this match. He never loses. That fact gets him over with kids and makes adults bored of him. We need a new champ.

My prediction: 50/50 throughout, momentum shift to Orton towards the end, then Cena gets it out of nowhere.
Clean finish likelihood: 30%
What I want to happen: Orton walking out with the strap after a clean finish

Triple H vs. King Booker

I've never particularly enjoyed watching HHH in the ring. I don't find anything outstanding about knee combos. I've not been particularly fussed about his comeback either. But for some reason I've been swept up in all the hype of his return. Wrestling gossip sites have been mentioning how there's fuss about his return without even implying that they're excited, but I've still managed to get excited for his return!

Booker's absolutely great. The King Booker gimmick is tired, but I'm glad they stuck with it. It keeps him fresh, and I doubt he'd get any heat (face or heel) if he was still asking if we could dig it. I'm guessing HHH wanted Booker to be his opponent for his comeback match because let's face it, he's got a bit of pulling power these days and tends to get what he wants. For this reason, I'm excited for this match. Triple H has had 6 months of rehab time to think of spots for this one match against an opponent he wants to fight. I for one can't wait.

My prediction: Early advantage to Booker. Triple H to win cleanly by pinfall.
Clean finish likelihood: 85%
What I want to happen: Early advantage to Booker. Triple H to win cleanly by pinfall.

The Great Khali vs. Batista

Oh God why? This match will be dog vomit of the most acidic variety. Khali's selling on satellite delay will do nothing in a match that will undoubtedly do a lot to get Batista even more over. This is a World title match. By law, all world title matches must last at least 20 minutes. Khali couldn't even wrestle Kane convincingly for 10 minutes on Smackdown last week or do a convincing 5 minute beatdown on Dave. This match will be worse than listening to Def Leppard.

My prediction: No one will care
Clean finish likelihood: 99%
What I want to happen: Khali to have an asthma attack

Rey Mysterio vs. Chavo Guerrero

Rey Mysterio's much-anticipated return. Against an opponent he no doubt also chose. This will be the pop of the night. Rey will be massively over (pay attention Cena) and the match will be quite good.

My prediction: Huge pops for Rey and his signature moves, heel tactics from Chavo getting massive heat. A win for Rey.
Clean finish likelihood: 75%
What I want to happen: A close match with a nice little rub for Chavo to make this feud a little more interesting

John Morrison vs. CM Punk

CM Punk will win this match. Undoubtedly. I'm guessing this storyline is the storyline they wanted Punk to follow with Benoit. Imagine if Punk had been chasing him and the title for a few months and to win it at Summerslam. It would've been a rub comparable to the one RVD got off Bam Bam when he won the ECW title way back when, and Punk would have been a superhero.

Morrison's new character is great. It's a polished version of Nitro and is perfect for a heel with the strap. However Punk's gotta be the smark's choice for this match. Especially considering he lost by pinfall on the ECW show prior to the PPV.

My prediction: Hard fought battle throughout. Punk kicks out of all of Morrison's signature moves and gets a flurry of offense before the GTS for the clean pinfall.
Clean finish likelihood: 99%
What I want to happen: See above.

Umaga vs. Carlito vs. Mr. Kennedy

This match is probably the reason I'll be buying the PPV. These three wrestlers are top talent. Umaga's slated face turn will be great if last week's Raw was anything to go by. His hot tag got a huge pop and his execution of moves is just full of intensity. His no-sell of the Backcracker was one of the best things I've seen on Raw in a while. The way he turned around to see a scared Carlito was great. The only downside to a potential face-turn is that he'll probably get very cartoony very quickly and lose any kind of credibility that the character once had.

This match is definitely there to set up a feud between Kennedy and Umaga. Neither needs to win the IC title for them to have a great feud, but then again I can't see this feud without a belt. Despite this, Carlito taking on a new face in a feud sounds alright too.

My prediction: Umaga to pin Kennedy after they both spend the entire match killing Carlito. I expect a big spot (probably through the announcers' table) to take Carlito out so Umaga and Kennedy can slug it out for the win.
Clean finish likelihood: 99%
What I want to happen: All three men battering the crap out of each other and Kennedy winning.

And thus the preview of Summerslam is complete. The card makes for quite a good PPV. The only thing that would make it suck is if they over-do the Vince McMahon "Who's my son?" storyline between matches. I'm expecting funny vignettes, but anything more will suck.

I'll keep writing, so you keep reading.