Wednesday, 26 September 2007

We are saved!

At the Smackdown taping last night, Vickie Guerrero stripped Hornswaggle of the Cruiserweight title. HOORAY! Now let's let the cruiserweights do some WRESTLING and remove the skid-stains left on that belt and try and give it some decorum.

The original Saviour of Wrestling is slated to make a return soon aswell. Here's a promo that aired on Raw...

Can you guess who it is yet?

No, I know, it's nonsensical. However every smark who isn't me somehow guessed it was Y2J. HOW THE FLIP?!

He'll either be returning at No Mercy or Cyber Sunday according to the "clues" in that video". No other smark has speculated as to which brand he'll be joining. I'm guessing Smackdown. The promo was blue DUH! But his book-signing schedule has no dates on a monday, so that puts Raw into the frame. To be honest, there's not a chance that Jericho would be on a show that isn't Raw.

I don't care if Jericho doesn't wrestle you know. As long as he gets TV time and a chance to do promos like the ones below, I'll be happy.


Wednesday, 19 September 2007

Speaking too soon

Ok. Maybe Khali isn't disappearing as quickly as I'd hoped. It was wishful thinking of the highest order to be honest. A Punjabi Prison match has been announced for No Mercy. I wonder what rare ailment will prevent Khali from wrestling in this one.

Either way, if they are trying to get Batista to bury him, then why not get him buried in his own match specialty? One more month of this shit.

In good wrestling news, Chris Jericho is apparently in talks with both TNA and WWE. I hope he goes to WWE. His potential will be exploited there, whereas on TNA he'll be at the top of the midcard. Only Kurt Angle and Joe seem to be Main eventers there. BOO.

Here's Jericho at his finest...

Tuesday, 18 September 2007

The Great Khali: An obituary

And so, fingers crossed, it is now time to bury Khali.

He reached the dizzy heights of Smackdown and peaked as World Champ before being pinned after Batista's glorified transition move. But where did the ugly freak who can't wrestle come from? Well, now is the time to look back at his undeserved career.

In 1996, Giant Singh made his debut in All Pro Wrestling. By summer 2001, Khali's killing of Brian Ong in the ring had sent his star into the ascent. New Japan were interested and decided that a tag team of two 7'+ guys would put on good matches. The unevitable happened, and a falling out between the World's largest tag team created the kind of feud that all promoters dream of - CLASH OF THE FREAKS. Unfortunately, this opinion differs to that of wrestling fans. They prefer CLASH OF THE PEOPLE WHO CAN HOLD A DECENT MATCH. Here's that match...

0:35 - Octopus stretch?!
1:15 - PLANCHA! To his feet.
3:14 - What's happening? Is he giving him a hug?
3:25 - Look out for that clothesline Khali! It's so big it might even hit you before it hits you!
3:50 - is that an Edge impression? Either way, Khali's better at making spears look good now...

Anyway, let's not dwell on the golden years of Japanese wrestling. Khali became a househould name in the US. His debut was interfering in a match between The Undertaker and Mark Henry - two people who it would seem have had the World's longest feud thanks to both of them receiving intermittent injuries. Khali then went on a rampage in squash matches against much weaker opponents to show the world that he can destroy the jobbers.

His feud with the Undertaker escalated when Khali challenged him to the unheard of PUNJABI PRISON MATCH. At first, I thought that the match's stipulation would involve non-consential sodomy, however I turned out to be disappointed. Mere hours before the big PPV match, Khali was diagnosed with elevated liver enzymes. What a shame that Smackdown's latest star couldn't wrestle on live PPV. Luckily, the storyline writers decided that the logical replacement to continue the storyline would be The Big Show.

A Last Man Standing match was the scheduled re-match, and was due to take place at the next PPV - Summerslam.

For an unexplained reason, this match, which was expected to be broadcast LIVE on PPV was moved to the pre-recorded Smackdown show the week before. It was probably to edit out the awesome that Khali was definitely going to unleash during the match - much more awesome than your average wrestling fan can handle.

For a few months after that, Khali was deemed extreme and spend his time burying the ECW originals - wrestlers who were respected before Khali buried them. Such is the awesome of Khali.

After this, the Punjabi Punisher (as his 3 fans loved to call him) went to RAW - The A show! Unfortunately, the big man bit off more than he could chew by doing this by entering a feud with John Cena. A feud he'd come out of worse for. It seemed that Raw's own king of Awesome - Cena - was too many levels of awesome above Khali. Having tapped out in controversial circumstances to the STFU - Khali, the monster, had been pinned by Cena. WOW! HOW COOL IS THE MARINE?!

He was later drafted to Smackdown, where the injured Edge vacated his title and a 20 man Battle Royal was held to find a new champion. Khali kicked ass much like Ric Flair in Royal Rumble 92, only the fans cheered louder for Flair, and came out as the new champ. A feud between himself and Batista developed, and the big title match was held at Summerslam. Khali's power went out of control and he actually got disqualified for too many awesomes in a match, or using a steel chair, or something like that. Either way, KHALI RETAINED! His title defence was one that the fans at the arena will never forget. Maybe they wish they could, but that's because they're racist and hate seeing non-Americans retain.

Eventually, at Unforgiven, in a triple threat match between Khali, Batista and Rey Mysterio, Khali was pinned. But it was totally unfair as Mysterio had been powerbombed onto Khali and that should've had Batista DQ'd straight away. Unfortunately, that was the end of Khali. We can only wait and see what Smackdown holds for him in the near future.

Monday, 17 September 2007

Thank God for Dave

I cannot believe it. Batista is the new World Champ. Not only is he the new champ, but he pinned Khali for it. In a triple threat match where Batista could easily have pinned Rey Mysterio, he pinned Khali for the win. This is groundbreaking. Have the WWE bookers finally realized it's time to bury the overgrown amateur? I genuinely hope so.

The way things are going for him, I wouldn't be surprised if Hornswaggle gets a pinfall on the big freak if they were deciding to bury him.

I don't particularly like Dave, and at the moment don't care for that belt. But I'm absolutely over the moon that Dave's the champ. Hopefully a feud with Mysterio will follow. There's no chance Mysterio's going heel as he's too marketable and has too much unique merchandise - the sales of which will decline if he was to turn. A heel Batista? Oooh how tasty.

In other news, Cena gets booed for the stupidest ending to a championship match since Khali retained at Summerslam this year.

Wednesday, 12 September 2007

Illegitimate Son

It's been a while since I last wrote, for that I apologise.

However, I'm glad to make a post about the illegitimate son angle.

By the sounds of it, they managed to draw it out well on Raw and actually build up some suspense. However, the fact that it looks like Hornswaggle is getting some sort of push is mental.

After the 90s steroid scandal, smaller guys like Bret Hart and HBK got pushes. Now that the smaller guys (Edge, John Morrison) are suspended in another steroids scandal, it looks like Vince is taking it to the extreme. First Hornswaggle becomes cruiserweight champ, then he's the main storyline of Raw. IT'S NUTS.

I feel for WWE because they had one of their biggest storylines for years in the McMahon death angle, but that had to be ditched because of the Benoit situation. Now they have a backup huge storyline and decide to suspend one of its' main antagonists and therefore ditch the backup huge storyline.

The fact that they actually revealed Hornswaggle as the son and not stretch it out is ridiculous. This will last until te suspensions are over and the "real" illegitimate son returns. Good luck to Creative in explaining it though!

Hornswaggle as Cruiserweight champ was too far in my opinion. This is taking the mick. Crock of gold? Nahh... crock of something else.