Marks 'n' smarks

This post is epic. But bare with me and the payoff will be worth it.

There are bits of jargon and slang within every niche market and subculture. Pro wrestling is no exception.

I'd like to focus in this post on two terms in particular that are associated with pro wrestling - they are 'Mark' and 'Smark'.

First, 'Mark'. As anyone who's ever seen an episode of 'The Real Hustle' will know, the target of a confidence scam is known as a mark.

According to Dictionary.com...

15. Slang.
a. an object of derision, scorn, manipulation, or the like: He was an easy mark for criticism.
b. the intended victim of a swindler, hustler, or the like: The cardsharps picked their marks from among the tourists on the cruise ship.

This is where the term enters the pro wrestling lexicon. Wrestling can trace its roots back to the days of travelling carnival shows. Some of these shows had the aim of conning and tricking the honest punters, or 'marks'. This is true whether they were on the coconut shy, the duckpond or the wrestling ring.

So when wrestling made its break from the travelling shows, the lingo would obviously stick, and anyone who was wrapped up into believing that what they were witnessing was legitimate competition would be known as a mark. This meaning is still used today when referring to people who believe a bit too much. When people are getting completely absorbed by the show, it's known as 'Marking out'.

The term was used in a derogatory way by the wrestlers back then, and it's used in a derogatory way by some fans (who we'll look at in more detail shortly) that know that wrestling's pre-determined when referring to people who seem to get a bit caught up in the hocus pocus of it all.

A story was recently published in PowerSlam magazine about a former writer who was eventually kicked out of his job by Stephanie McMahon for being "too much of a mark" (read it here). Stephanie even told this poor writer that if the wrestlers found out that he was a "super-mark", he'd never get their respect. Something that somewhat implies that things haven't changed too much behind the scenes of pro wrestling since the days of the travelling shows.

The apparent opposite of a 'Mark' is a 'Smark'. The word 'Smark' is essentially a name invented by members of the Internet Wrestling Community (IWC) who wanted to feel superior to people who enjoyed wrestling at face value. It's a shortened version of "smart mark". Someone who was "smart" to the wrestling business (even since its days in the travelling shows) was someone who knew that there was a pre-determined element to it all. So a smart-mark (or smark) is one who enjoys pro wrestling despite knowing that match outcomes are pre-planned.

One final phrase that I'll briefly cover that is probably necessary to understanding this post is 'Kayfabe'. Kayfabe (possibly pig latin for 'Fake', again from the Carnival days) is the idea that everything that happens in the ring is absolutely 100% legitimately real. For example, kayfabe was threatened way back in 1987 when various news sources picked up on the story that Hacksaw Jim Duggan and the Iron Shiek, apparently mortal enemies in the ring, had been arrested together for possession of marijuana. Despite being one of the funniest and most ridiculous things to happen in wrestling, it opened the eyes of many fans to the true nature of the business (or at least confirmed their suspicions), and that these two guys, rather than hate each other, were actually pretty good friends.

The most important breaking of Kayfabe might not be seen as such. But after the Montreal Screwjob (You need to read that link if you don't know what it is - I'm not explaining it here), there was a pretty public falling out between Bret Hart and Vince McMahon with many statements about how the match was supposed to finish. Kayfabe was thrown right out of the window for the sake of two peoples' egos. It had become public knowledge that wrestling matches had pre-determined finishes.

The implications of this lead to the Attitude era for WWE. McMahon became the evil boss - the foil of Stone Cold Steve Austin (who would, as you know, carry the Attitude era). During this period the line was blurred between works (pre-planned stories) and shoots (legitimate beef and public dirty laundry airing), and kayfabe could be maintained because nobody was sure what was real.

Since then, we've seen the dawn of broadband. Unfortunately, this has heralded a new era for the smarks. People who I believe are becoming the new marks. I reached an epiphany when Mike Adamle was announced as Raw's GM. At this monumental news in wrestling, I hurried, like the rest of my smark brethren, to the internet. Everybody in the IWC thought that it was the worst idea of all time. They thought this because they had a legitimate hatred of Adamle because of his crappy commentary. They couldn't believe that they were giving more TV time to this idiot. Meanwhile, I was in disbelief at what I was reading. This was one of the greatest swerves of modern times. The most hated man on WWE TV was put into a position where he was meant to be hated. Yet people were angry. How was this a bad move?

The Iron Shiek was legitimately hated by fans in the 80s because he was Commie scum - he drew heat better than copper wire. So when they put someone who's legitimately hated by fans (not for being a Commie, but just by sucking hard) into the limelight in 2008, the fans, or rather, the smarks (who know better) think that it's a stupid idea.

The smarks are, dare I say it, marking out!

The more I thought about it, the more I realized smarks were out of the wrestling loop. The idea of mock-battles is inherently ridiculous. Anyone involved in it shouldn't be taken seriously. Yet search on Google for "professional wrestling" and you get hundreds of "news" sites. Apparently reliable sources for backstage gossip. I've used them as sources for this blog in the past (heck, even this post!), but they definitely need to be looked at with caution and not accepted without question - this is the same as every news source, but it's a simple thing that most smarks (who know better) overlook for whatever reasons they may have.

Smarks are the new marks. Using semi-shoot angles is a way to capture their imaginations. The non-questioning of dubious news sources is them suspending their disbelief. KAYFABE LIVES ON!

The matches themselves have changed to make marks of the smarks. Every smark knows that a textbook bump is one that's taken flatly on the back. Most indy feds are full of sick piledrivers and brainbusters that look absolutely brutal. These bumps are obviously not that brutal because they wouldn't be so common if they were.

Yet when people land somewhat awkwardly or in an unorthodox fashion, smarks and marks alike cringe. I've even seen a matche where a concerned fan shouts to a wrestler in the ring "STOP LANDING ON YOUR HEAD!" after he took two consecutive bumps on his head.

I'd sum up this blog by saying that smarks are the new marks. But it's not that simple. If smarks were the new marks, then there'd be a gap at the top of the pecking order for people who were up to speed with the secrets of the wrestling business. The thing is, people who are "Smart" have always been there. The only thing that's changed is that there's a bigger gap in the gulf of knowledge between people who are smarks and those that are smart than there's ever been.

I'll finish with a piece of advice. If you're a smark, stop taking yourself so seriously. You don't know everything there is to know about wrestling, nor will you ever. So stop posting things on the internet that make it look like you think you know everything about wrestling.

My most controversial post yet? Possibly. Hit that comment button.

This post contains the worst Mike Adamle joke of all time

Ow man how awesome was Raw?! What? What do you mean "No it wasn't. We've seen the worst possible angle of all time"?

The Adamle swerve is a stroke of creative genius. I genuinely mean that aswell. It seems that the IWC collectively thinks that it's stupid. But that's because they're being marks and not smarks.

WWE is trying to move its content to be more realistic, more UFC if you will. By doing it, move-calling by announcers is banned, and good old-fashioned X-Pac heat becomes plain, old heat. Mike Adamle is hated by fans for his poor calling, not knowing wrestlers' names (Jeff Harvey!) and for just being named 'Mike Adamle'. He sucks so much that it wouldn't be unknown for him to be called 'Mike BADamle' (I wrote this entire post on the premise of that awful, awful, diabolical pun. At least I didn't mislead you with the title). Dropping Adamle in as the GM of Raw makes him the biggest heel there! GENIUS!

I don't care what you say, you'll never change my opinion that putting Mike Adamle as the GM of Raw is genius.

I've been desperate for wrestling news all week since the Sandman's arrest and loads has come along today.

First of all, Stephanie McMahon gave birth to her and Triple H's second daughter yesterday/today. She weighs in at about 8 pounds - Snitsky would definitely have the weight advantage there.

Also worthy of note is that Freddie Prinze Jr. has joined WWE's creative team. There's a blog post there waiting to happen.

But the highlight of all wrestling "news" has to be the fact that somebody found my blog this week by searching on Google for "Orlando Jordan nude". The thing that makes this better is that they were directed to a post I made a while back about the Ultimate Warrior - check out the post's heading by clicking here.

Anyway, I'll leave you with an essay question:

Mike Adamle rules. Discuss.

Answers on a postcard.

Two Months?!

Yes. It's almost been two months since I last posted anything. The reason for this has been that I've moved house and it's taken this long to get the internet connection up and running. Though to be honest, I'm glad it's up. Last year I had to go without the internet for my entire 6 month tenancy of a house when I decided to go with TalkTalk. SIX MONTHS. Can you believe it? I'd managed to develop social skills and everything within that time because of my sheer misfortune.

Anyway, a lot has happened in the world of wrestling since I last wrote. Well, I say a lot. A lot of comedy GOLD and one Wrestlemania.

So let's start with the big one. Wrestlemania. My goodness what immensity. From start to finish I loved it. I feel guilty that I didn't pay for it because it was so good. Money in the Bank was truly awesome. The spots were inspirational. Not that they made me want to go down B&Q and come back with a car full of ladders to play around with in the back garden though. The fact that everyone was on top of their games so much that the match we saw even happened was crazy. If everybody working in the World banks was at that point in their careers, we'd all be a bit better off. The spots were all insane but full of logic too. Things like Johnny Nitro (They're called 'Opal Fruits' too you know) stepping onto the ladder leaning onto the turnbuckle and just riding it to another ladder. Incredible but making sense too.

The fact that CM Punk won was the culmination of scores of mark-out moments for me throughout the entire match. An incredible match that made me forget about the reality of wrestling so many times. I loved it because it took me back to how I felt watching wrestling when I was 9 or 10.

The rest of the PPV was great aswell, but to be honest, I'd rather use the rest of this blog to talk about Michael Hayes and Santino Marella.

When the story that Michael Hayes had been suspended for 60 days after Wrestlemania broke, I was shocked. But not because of what you might think. When I first read about it, I read the following:

It has been confirmed that head SmackDown writer Michael Hayes has been suspended for 60 days.

Michael Hayes has been absent since Wrestlemania, from backstage WWE. Hayes is the head writer for Smackdown. Wrestlers say Hayes is serving a 60-day suspension concerning his behavior towards a wrestler during Wrestlemania weekend. However, WWE is calling it a "vacation".

The belief backstage is that Michael Hayes got sent home for supposedly choking Carlito with wrist tape. It was meant to be a rib on Carlito, but Carlito took it as a threat to his Wrestlemania spot and threatened to show up on TNA Impact! No one knows for sure who put Hayes up to it, but the wrist tape looked like it had part of an "X" in black marker on it.

Honestly. I don't know what purpose someone would have to make that kind of thing up. The only true thing about that story is that Michael Hayes got suspended. My guess is that Damien Demento wrote it and somebody believed him. Which is the equivalent of agreeing with your town's mentalist when he tells you the leprechauns are floating off to the sky and that they're taking your corn flakes with them. ABSOLUTELY STUPID IS WHAT THAT IS MATE.

But it transpires that a good ol' boy from Georgia was a bit of a racist. On tonight's news, you'll see how the sky is blue. Apparently Dok Hendricks uses racist language all the time and that it's something you get used to when you're with him. If this is true, then it's abhorrent. Truly sickening, not that that kind of attitude exists (because let's face it, we'll never be rid of these idiots), but that that kind of attitude exists openly within a public company.

Funnily enough, since Hayes' temporary departure, things have gotten incredible on WWE TV. Firstly this week, we saw William Regal exercising what I'd like to call his HITLER CLAW. He was an absolute facist and pulled the main event. What a legend. I love him for it.

That was followed on Tuesday night by Mike Adamle pissing off. HOORAY.

And then on Friday Mick Foley made his debut on Smackdown as a commentator. That's three different shows with three reasons to not miss them. It also means that I now have three different reasons to get Sky. Which sucks. What am I? Made of money?

This week's "and finally" story is about Santino Marella getting arrested for drunk driving.



One too many Peronis saw Santino fail TWO different field sobriety tests before being taken into a cell for the night. He was released on a $500 bail while elsewhere a sigh of relief was heard from Vince McMahon who may or may not have said "Thank God it wasn't steroids".