The Best of CM Punk

Having spotted this DVD on sale for a mere £4 a while back, I thought I'd be an idiot not to buy "The Best of CM Punk in Full Impact Pro".

If you'd paid £4 for a wrestling DVD and complained then you'd be an idiot.

It's taken from a time when CM Punk was one of the best heels on the indy circuit. Any kids who badger their mums into buying this for them will be in for a surprise as their hero tells them to bite it.

The first load of matches show CM Punk's progression through a two night tournament to crown the first FIP Champion. Some of the hosses that Punk is up against are unbelievably bad. Two stick out in my mind - Vordell Walker and Rainman.

Those two suck so hard, it's testament to Punk's abilities that the matches actually hold together well. So many offers from Punk get denied. For instance in one match, Punk makes the ref look the other way and pokes Rainman in the eye to get the upper hand - only Rainman fights back, a few moves later and Punk has to start his beatdown by getting the upper hand through legitimate means - way to go Rainman.

£4 of your hard-earned money is nothing for this amount of wrestling. Punk going at it with Homicide is always a welcome sight. In the match to find the first FIP champ, the two go at it like mad and battle all through the arena, inside and out in a pretty good showing with some memorable hardcore spots including a swirly.

The matches are as follows...

• CM Punk vs. Vordell Walker
  1st Round FIP Hwt. Title Touny - Emergence Night 1 - Tampa, FL - 09.24.04


• Highlights - AJ Styles vs. Homicide
  1st Round FIP Hwt. Title Touny - Emergence Night 1 - Tampa, FL - 09.24.04


• Homicide vs. Joshua Masters w/CM Punk
  2nd Round FIP Hwt. Title Touny - Emergence Night 2 - Tampa, FL - 09.25.04


• CM Punk vs. Justin Credible
  2nd Round FIP Hwt. Title Touny - Emergence Night 2 - Tampa, FL - 09.25.04


• CM Punk vs. Rainman
  Semi-Finals FIP Hwt. Title Touny - Emergence Night 2 - Tampa, FL - 09.25.04


• CM Punk vs. Homicide
  Finals FIP Hwt. Title Touny - Emergence Night 2 - Tampa, FL - 09.25.04


• Highlights - Azrieal w/CM Punk vs. Rainman
  Fallout Night 1 - Tampa, FL - 11.12.04


• CM Punk vs. Dan Maff
  Fallout Night 1 - Tampa, FL - 11.12.04


• CM Punk vs. Homicide (FIP Hwt. Title - No DQs - Falls Count Anywhere)
  Fallout Night 2 - Tampa, FL - 11.13.04


• Highlights - The Florida Rumble
  The Florida Rumble - Lakeland, FL - 12.17.04


• CM Punk vs. James Gibson
  The Florida Rumble - Lakeland, FL - 12.17.04

All in all a pretty good DVD to pick up if you happen to see it for sale somewhere - be warned, the suspension built by waiting for delivery from mail order might leave you feeling let down.

Twenty years

I turn twenty tomorrow. It happens to be the 20th anniversary of the first ever Summerslam too. Here's my look back on my 20 years in and out of pro wrestling.

I loved wrestling from a very early age. I had all of the action figures - Hulk Hogan, Roddy Piper, Jake the Snake, The Undertaker, The Ultimate Warrior - the list goes on.

I loved everything about it. But the thing was that I never actually watched it. Wrestling was only really shown on Sky, and guess what we didn't have!

Yup, wrestling was my favourite thing in the world and I'd never actually watched it.

I'd learn about it from the older kids in the street who did have Sky. They taught me everything I needed to know. I've known the Ultimate Warrior's entrance theme for what seems like eternity. I even named my bike "The Ultimate Warrior". Though if I'd have done that now, I'd obviously be sued by the man-mental himself.

Having not seen any wrestling, I had no idea that it was about good guys and bad guys. Just look at the short list of action figures up there. They were all my favourites, but how many of them have always been face? I was a four year old who, in 1992, thought heels were the best. I pre-date the IWC by pretty much an entire decade!

There was then a period where I didn't really think about wrestling. It was probably about 5 or 6 years. But then we got Sky. The engineer was just doing a demo and happened to put wrestling on.

Lo and behold, I see the very same Undertaker that I had an action figure of when I was younger. He was in an inferno match against Kane. The only difference was that Taker was more gothic. But I was captured by the magic of wrestling again. The object of the match was to set your opponent on fire! As a 9 year old, this was unbelievable. Add to that the fact that Paul Bearer came down to the ring and set a teddy bear on fire to make Vince McMahon break down in tears, and you're talking entertainment.

If l337 had been invented back then, my mind would have been thinking "WTF?!".

I was hooked into it at a great time. The Corporation and the Ministry of Darkness were going at it. Edge and Christian had recently debut'd and were ripping up the undercard, as were the Hardyz. And did I mention D-X? The Attitude era is often looked back on fondly, and it's not just because it's looked at nostalgically, it was an excellent time to be a wrestling fan. X-Pac was credible enough to be my favourite wrestler at the time! Though having said that, I do miss the fact that I can't suspend my disbelief anything like I used to be able to.

But it was all a mystery to me. I knew it was "fake". But I didn't know how fake. I thought they might know a few moves in a match and maybe the ending, but the feuds were something beyond that, they actually felt real.

I eventually lost interest again due to becoming a teenager and doing other things and being teased for liking wrestling.

This was around the time Brock Lesnar was getting pushed and wrestlers' entrance music started to suck. All the music started to suck. Compare this to what you have now. Notice the absence of women in the montage too (with the exception of Trish Stratus getting put through a table from the top rope and Chyna who doesn't even count). Wrestling had balls at that time. That music meant "YEAH! MANLY WRESTLING TIME!". The music for Raw now just means "Oh it's that stupid band whose record company got them onto Raw, must be time for wrestling". It's no wonder I drifted away from wrestling.

I got back into wrestling about 2 or 3 years ago thanks to my meeting of now good friend Chris Brooker. He is the rainman of wrestling. Ask him anything, and he will give you the answer. Forget about using Wikipedia, this is your source from now on.

I got back into it because I saw how much he loved wrestling and thought that it was something that I used to love, so why couldn't I enjoy it as much as he did now? Well, quite simply, the quality of it was a reason to not enjoy it. Some people might say that John Cena was enough reason to not watch it. But I got back into it, maybe even in spite of myself. A few months later I was off to see my first ever live wrestling event. Goldust was even on the card. It turned out that not a lot had changed!

Wrestling will always be there in my life. I was born on the same day as Summerslam, it must be something to do with fate!

Interestingly I share my birthday with Michael Jackson, Lenny Henry and GG Allin. GG Allin is particularly interesting because of the severity of his mentalness. Known for being an outrageous performer and for crapping onstage and being naked and general violence at his shows, his final gig had him throwing himself through a sheet of glass while naked before marching the crowd at the show through the streets of Manhattan to get to the after party. Having taken a bit too much heroin, GG died. Except everybody at the party thought he was just doing an Andrew WK and was partying a bit too hard. Fans posed for pictures with the "passed out" GG while he was covered in excrement and dead.

What does this have to do with wrestling? A few years ago, VH1 made a list of the "most outrageous moments in music". The night of GG Allin's death only made number 4 on the list. Number one was a certain singer who, while past her heyday, was performing outdoors and a bird managed to hit the bullseye and crap directly into her mouth. This singer was of course everybody's favourite faux-gypsy Cyndi Lauper, an integral part of the MTV rock and wrestling connection that exposed WWF to a mainstream audience back in the day. Heck, Lou Albano is even in the video for 'Girls just wanna have fun'!

Anyway, who remembers hardcore matches?!

Whooo! - British wrestling gets a turn out for the books

1PW, arguably Britain's biggest (but certainly most controversial) wrestling promotion, has had a turbulent few weeks lately.

On the 2nd of August, Steven Gauntley announced that he was stepping down from being in control of the promotion. Having previously said the same in the past and then sneakily getting back into a position of authority, things were different this time because Gauntley had actually sold the company.

Three british wrestlers, Dragon Aisu, Jon Cameron and El Ligero, were the buyers. Most of the internet community thought that they were idiots for buying a company that inevitably had bad debts. Showing once again that the IWC knows better than anyone else, the buyers did what normally happens in the world of business by buying the company's assets. A company's assets include its name, trademarks and physical belongings - but not its' debts. It's quite tempting to go off on one here about how the IWC thinks they know better than everyone about everything, but I think I should save my bile for another post.

Regardless of the opinion of some sweaty, fat thirty-something-and-still-living-at-home's thoughts which were articulated through sausage fingers onto a keyboard with a worn out F5 key ("REFRESH! WHY DOESN'T SOMEONE RESPOND?! MY OPINION'S IMPORTANT!"), 1PW had new owners and hopefully a new direction.

After the 1PW resurrection of early 2007, the company started spending less money on importing stars in a an attempt to stem the flow of cash that was gushing from the company's balance sheet much like blood from Invader III's lungs (WARNING: That video's MENTAL). The fans responded well to a move that was intended to provide longevity to a fledgling company.

But it wasn't to be. Owner Steven Gauntley released a press statement declaring that he'd sold the company to the three previously mentioned wrestlers. However quite interestingly, the statement included the following:

Steven is currently unable to access the internet so please forgive the vague nature of the above, but we wanted to let the fans know what was happening as soon as possible.

What a strange thing to include in a press release. Gauntley had allegedly had his internet connection cut off for not paying the bills. There were also allegations of Gauntley dipping his hand into the bank accounts of people who'd paid for 1PW merchandise with their credit cards (I said 1PW was controversial!).

A few weeks ago, I was pondering whether or not I should go to 1PW's Third Anniversary Show at the Doncaster Dome on October 18th. Delirious was already scheduled to appear. I thought and thought about it, deciding that it was probably too far and expensive to really go just to see one guy.

However last week, 1PW made one of the biggest announcements to come from a British wrestling promotion in some time.

They'd signed Ric Flair to appear.

My wife, seeing how excited I was, got me a pair of ringside tickets. I felt like I had the right to mark out for a bit.

But as I look forward to what will no doubt be an unforgettable night of wrestling, there are questions that still need answering. Is this the same 1PW? Will this show finish BEFORE midnight (unlike many in 1PW's past)? And will it break even?

If it wasn't for 1PW's mindless army of die hard fans, it wouldn't have seen so many resurrections. But if it wasn't for 1PW's mindless army of die hard fans, Steven Gauntley wouldn't have pissed away the company's money with no form of business model in an attempt to impress them with the cards he'd put together.

I hope for the sake of 1PW, and British wrestling in general, that the Third Anniversary show is a success. They don't need to break even on the first night, they just need new fans. They say that the casual fan is where the real money is in wrestling, but in Britain, it's definitely with families. It's seen as "something for the kids" here by most people, and appealing to families is the key to success - just look at GPW in Wigan.

Anyway, if there was a point to this post, I've forgotten it. But what you should never forget is how stupid internet wrestling fans are for thinking they know everything.

Peace.

Wrestling and Improv

I recently got The Best of Pro Wrestling Guerrilla because of its superb value for money. It's set me off on a quest to see as much PWG as I possibly can.

I recently got my hands on Roger Dorn Night, a show worth buying, if not for the wrestling, then just to see the greatest promo of all time.

You may or may not know that I perform improv comedy with ComedySportz. One of the first things you learn in improv is "Yes and...". The principle of agreeing to what's offered, and then adding to it. Wrestling matches tend to be full of "yes and-ing", but it's not very often that you'll see a pre-scripted promo getting interrupted and the wrestler doing a "yes and" on the mic.

After the main event of Roger Dorn Night (a Four-way match for the PWG title between El Generico (c), Bryan Danielson, Kevin Steen and Davey Richards), Steen cuts a promo in which he challenges Richards to a no.1 contender's match.

Except things don't really go as planned...



The second plane is where the gold is at. As soon as Steen snapped, I was hoping that he'd let me mark out by using my favourite pro wrestling cliché - "Southwest - I'M CALLING YOU OUT!".

Not letting it disrupt the purpose of the promo, Steen gets right back into it and continues to challenge Richards on the basis that he may as well challenge him while he waits for a reply from Southwest Airlines.

Absolutely fantastic, and a classic example of "Yes and".

Stunt Midget

Having wasted an evening looking for inspiration for a new, insightful blog post that could be considered as a serious piece of wrestling journalism, I've decided to just post one of the greatest wrestling videos to appear on YouTube.

Originally found at WrestlingGoneWrong.com, I've linked it from YouTube for the sake of practicality.



I don't know where to start with this.

I absolutely love this video. From the second I first watched it, to the millionth time I've just re-watched it. Everything about it is great. There is so much in it that I love so much. The way he flips, the fact that he's a dwarf, the extreme force with which he's hit, the fact that he's in a tiny (and most likely custom made) ape suit, and the way the Chuckle Brothers do a "To me, to you" on him at the end of the clip.

I absolutely LOVE this clip though, for the sole reason that it has relieved anger that has been pent up in me for about 6 years. Anger I didn't even know that I had.

If you've been online since the days of 56k, you'll most likely be aware of this guy...

BonziBuddy.

Bonzi was a piece of software that was so irritating, that once you had downloaded it, you realized that pissing sand was probably a better hobby than browsing the internet.

Search for him on YouTube and you'll see what I mean.

He served no purpose other than irritating you, and slowing your computer down. And when your 56k connection was hardly ever at full speed before downloading this memory-hogging simian bastard, you see the kinds of problems he would cause to your online activities.

The relief and massive sense of catharsis that I felt when watching that video was unbelievable. I was happy to see the little monkeyman fly, but I knew that I was even happier on a deeper level for some unknown reason.

BonziBuddy, eat the dirt.

Orton ISN'T injured

WWE.com yesterday announced that Randy Orton fell off a motorcycle and re-injured his broken collar bone.

I'm sorry to say it, but that is weapons grade Balonium.

Orton is legitimately injured, but this motorcycle stuff is a load of crap? How am I so sure of this?

Click here or here to see what Randy Orton was actually up to this weekend.

Unless Orton was actually riding his bike on the flight home, then his re-injuring his clavicle is impossible.

My theory is that he's asked to have more time off so that he can spend it with his new family. He's off TV anyway, so why not keep him off TV longer? It's not like ratings hit rock bottom as soon as he was injured.

Plus, why not pull a Cena? Remember how John Cena was destined to miss Wrestlemania XXIV? What a swerve to have him show up three months earlier than planned to win the Royal Rumble!

This is WWE working the marks. There aren't any details about his injury anywhere other than WWE.com. Surely the wrestling rumormill will have been all over this straight away!

WWE creative is being at their most creative.

As Public Enemy said, DON'T BELIEVE THA HYPE!

Braden's Walking - Releases galore

My first post at Wrestling101.com is up.

Here's a taster...

Because I feel this blog's been lacking in real jokes recently, I'm going to start with a traditional joke format.

"Knock knock"
"Who's there?"
"Opportunity"
"GO AWAY"

That's exactly what we've seen happen recently with Chris Harris (a.k.a. Braden Walker), who by some miracle or other, was eventually released from his WWE contract this week.

Wildcat Chris Harris was incredible in TNA. America's Most Wanted were the best tag team in North American wrestling since the New Age Outlaws were still called the New Age Outlaws. Tag wrestling was generally in decline, but this was a team that was sure to slow down that process. Harris was a seven-time NWA tag champ.

Check out the rest at Wrestling101.com or by clicking the banner below.