Tuesday, 4 March 2008


Today I got my hair cut for the first time in a while. When telling my work-mates that I was going to get a mullet, their laughs were far less supportive than I was expecting. When as one they exclaimed "WHY?!", I found it hard to actually justify.

I couldn't answer them. Here I was, consciously making a decision to look foolish, but I couldn't actually comprehend any kind of logic in order to justify it. All I could say was "I reckon I could pull it off". Because everyone throughout all of history who's ever had a mullet looks ridiculous, not because of the stupidity of the haircut itself, but because they're not me. A bold presumption indeed. But a correct one.

My new hair is badass.

But this evening, whilst appreciating the glory of my new barnet, the real reason I've gone for a mullet dawned on me. It's because of the prominence of mullets in Pro Wrestling. I cried a tear of shame when I realised how obsessed I am.

The first one that came to mind was Eddie Guerrero.

He is synonymous with the mullet. In a 2000 cartoon featured in WWF Magazine, a barber shop had a picture on the wall of a mulleted-bloke. The caption on the photo said "The Mullet a.k.a. The Eddie". Such was Eddie's infamy as a mullet-wearer, that he was arrested for having such out of control hair. Here's my evidence...

But where mullets and wrestling are concerned, there is only one king.


The magnitude of Mike Awesome's mullet made him the most feared wrestler of all time in Japan. There are accounts of fans at shows featuring The Awesome One packing nunchucks down their pants just in case the big guy got too close to them. The tradition caught on in North America in promotions such as ECW, though as Ninjas only live in Japan, these fat, white nerds had to settle for toilet seats and frying pans.

People will surely try and tell me to get rid of my mullet for the sake of style. But now that I've trodden-water in The Great Mullet Lagoon, I cannot go to the shores to dry off. For why? It's simple. Getting rid of mullets kills you. It's scientifically proven.

Eddie got rid of his, Mike got rid of his. Hell, Chris Benoit even had a mullet during the Invasion storyline. Jake Roberts has sported the business-front-party-behind-do for aeons, and despite all scientific and biological probability, he's actually defied the odds and not died. I'm convinced that after the world is wiped out by nuclear warfare, all that will be left is cochroaches, Keith Richards, Mae Young and Jake the Snake.

There is absolutely no way I'm getting rid of this now. For my own safety. Though, having considered eternity with Mae Young and Jake the Snake for company, I might have to think again.


Jimi said...

I have the very magazine you mention. We're living in crazy times, no?

Anonymous said...

Photo - or it didn't happen!!

Leighsus Christ said...

I have no photo. Though it's not much of a mullet to be honest :(