Sunday, 16 March 2008

Gladiators READY!

Everyone's favourite Hulkster is in the middle of filming the newly-resurrected American Gladiators, he's most probably in the studio filming at the very second I'm writing this.

However, it must be noted that The Orange One isn't actually teaching skinny guys without a tan a thing or two about the laws of physicality. He's actually just presenting the show.

Despite the disappointment of knowing that Hulk won't be battering people with his awesome leg drops in the middle of the Gladiators Arena, the promise of seeing Hulk presenting a TV Show will be full of so much win. Seeing a broken, old Terry Bollea hobbling around his home in Hogan Knows Best completely undermined the awesome power that THE HULKSTER harnessed back in the day.

Seeing The Osbournes was a similar experience. This was OZZY. He bit the head off a bat. He relieved himself on The Alamo. An absolute legend. But we get to see him struggling to string two words together as he attempts to give his teenage kids a telling off. But Ozzy is a drug-addled moron, surely we wouldn't see Old Man Bollea yelling at his kids and being subservient to a plastic wife, much like we'd seen Old Man Osbourne do the same thing. Unfortunately, we were wrong.

But Hulk speaking directly to cameras from a standing position will hopefully restore the respect that many will have lost for a man whose awesome exudes from every pore to such an extent that his skin is tainted orange by it.

Meanwhile, over here in the UK, the remake of Gladiators that Sky are insistent on seems to have missed the mark somewhat. While America gets a man who you respect and admire because you're slightly intimidated by him, we get Ian "Wright-Wright" Wright.

My problem with this is that Mr. "Wright-Wright" Wright is a man who no longer appears on Match of the Day because when TV cameras point at him, he appears to lose the ability to put his thoughts into coherent, linear sentences. Meanwhile, John Leslie is without work because he didn't rape anyone.

Speaking of John Leslie; Ulrika Jonsson has been replaced aswell. And by whom? None other than Kirsty "Generic-as-they-come" Gallacher. Ever since Kirsty's Home Videos turned out to be a hugely disappointingly mis-leading title, her career's absolutely sucked. Across the Atlantic, they have Muhammad Ali's daughter opposite Hulk Hogan. She no doubt has catchphrases such as "Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee's daughter" and "I AM the greatest!...'s daughter!". Such charisma is sadly lacking in Kirsty's repertoire. The only thing she has going for her is the fact that she has the eyes of a camel. I fear that such a freakish trait would only keep viewers watching for a short period of time though.

What would keep people watching though would be replacing Ian Wright with Wolf from the original series. He could lay the smackdown on contestants much in the same way I would expect The Hulkster to do. Not only that, but he's revered in the UK much the same way that Hulk Hogan is in America. It would be the perfect equivalent.

What about Kirsty Camel eyes? Ahh who knows? Why not swap her with... ooh.. I don't know... take your pick... Jet?

The point is, the woman would be irrelevant as long as Wolf was on TV. We need Wolf on TV right now. In fact, click here to meet like-minded individuals.

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