Sunday, 17 February 2008

WHAT?

So whilst checking the usual rumour sites today, a rather striking link was screaming "THIS IS SO WRONG!" at me.
"Another Diva pregnant, WWE-Incest update"

Interested, I obviously click in a frenzy. Unable to learn quick enough whatever this could be about. The story opens by saying how Stacey Colon, daughter of Puerto Rico's equivalent of Hulk Hogan and Vince McMahon rolled into one; Carlos Colon, and sister of WWE superstar Carlito. I'm not sure if you're aware of Caribbean stereotypes, but if you were, you'd probably think that this kind of thing is more suited to Haitians.

This was easily the most morally-void stories in wrestling since Chris Benoit started playing Doom in real-life and got an invulnerability power up (They never did feel temporary at their height). The jokes would be endless:

Doctor: Congratulations, it's a two-headed freak with severe learning disabilities.
Carlito: That's not cool.

But it would be cool. It would be about a hundred times better than him chasing a leprechaun into a wall. Actually, forget it being a hundred times better. Multiply that hundred by an inconceivably high number, then you'd be getting close to how much cooler it would be than having one of the most talented guys on the roster jobbing to a midget. If they went through with that birth angle, they could even re-use the hand that Mae Young gave birth to. Recycled props FTW! There'd be a moral tale there too. Kids worldwide would learn that when brothers and sisters get jiggy, the only result is never a fully-functioning baby. Ultimately, you will be disappointed. So if you do manage to get your sister pregnant, you'd better talk her into getting that thing that rhymes with 'schmaschmortion'.

Though imagine my disappointment when I learned that the 'incest' thing was in reference to a completely different story. The comma was a dead give away. I should've known better.

The incest thing is actually about Paul Burchill's return from OVW with his kayfabe sister in tow as his lover. Apparently Burchill came up with the idea himself. Having seen her, he's not done too bad with the on-screen lover thing. Imagine how jealous Edge would be of Burchill. As disgusting as this angle might be, it's probably going to turn out great. Hopefully the bit of edginess that's been missing since the Attitude days ended. And by 'edginess' I mean 'car-crash TV'.

Watching this storyline unfold will definitely be the wrestling equivalent of rubber-necking at the scene of a fatal car crash. Though I imagine, and definitely hope, that this angle will have fewer real-life fatalities than a car wreck.

3 comments:

missdeathmetal said...

Paul Burchill is a good enough wrestler that he shouldn't need a lameass gimmick like this...however, this is WWE we're talking about, so lameass gimmicks are the order of the day. Incest though...that's a bit low. Reminds me of when they wanted Ken Shamrock to run an incest storyline with his sister Ryan. Sensibly, he chose not to.

Leighsus Christ said...

That may be true. Though I imagine this is a far better gimmick than his last one...

herzwr said...

I know this entry is a bit old now, but the gimmick as i'd always thought really isn't working, nor do I think it will. He's an alright wrestler sure, but it's hard to get a gimmick over with "Paul the Pirate" chants during his matches. Plus, dear God, does his finisher ever suck.