I can't actually bring myself to face facts. The evidence I've seen so far is possibly of the most bizarre thing to have ever happened in wrestling history. Even more bizarre than Robocop saving Sting's life.
Candice Michelle used to be a foot fetish model named Mackenzie Montgomery.
Look, here she is showing us how disgusting and salty her feet are...
But it gets further and FAR creepier than that...
See what I mean?
It's the creepiest video I've ever seen. It's made even better by the fact that a WWE Diva is the main event. It's so bizarre. Her "husband" asks her how work was and she replies by saying "It was so tough at the club today". Dressed as she is. She's a stripper. I'm not going to write a blog about poor dialogue or characterisation though because that video has far more gold in it.
"You have remarkable-looking feet" chirps the bloke. As if they've just met. Before continuing by sounding like a teenage girl: "Your feet are just sooooooo pretty".
My face is glued to my monitor.
"Your feet look so... they really turn me o... Do you mind if I suck on your toes a little bit? It's been such a long time"
I'm sure every stripper who's ever watched this video has thought "Yeah. That's what I need to make my feet better after a hard night's dancing - some guy who looks like he could be my brother making my feet wet".
"Mmm..." He licks his lips. "Hmmm..." he does it again. Still in cheerleader mode: "Mmm... your soles taste good!". I'll give him credit for being better at acting than her.
Of all the perversions though, this one baffles me. I have no idea why you'd be into it. Though by the end of the video, the pieces fall into place. White socks, black shoes? BINGO.
This news has come to life because The Wrestling News Desk has posted pictures which are a little bit more graphic than that. And according to reports, even more graphic than her Playboy shots. But at the time I'm posting this blog, the site's down. Presumably because of high traffic thanks to this story.
You mean to say that a WWE Diva is a slut? Well shucks. I could never tell from the way they all look!
I then found another video on YouTube.
Click here to see it because the person who uploaded it has blocked it from being embedded.
It features Candice and another ho talking about their feet to a creepy QVC soundtrack. That's all they do is talk. With the camera zooming in and out on their feet while the most terrible, generic (and most probably copyright-free), music plays in the background.
"I have size 10 feet"
JEEZUM CROW. Talk about Attack of the 50ft Woman!
"And you know what they say about people with big feet..."
They have really slack vaginas?
"They wear really big shoes"
On the day that this passes as entertainment, Ronnie Barker is glad he's dead.
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