Thursday, 24 January 2008

Drinkin' and rasslin'

I've not written anything about wrestling in so long because let's face it, nothing's happened recently.

But then yesterday, shock of all shocks (and I genuinely mean that), Bobby Lashley leaves WWE and poops upon the booking of the Royal Rumble match from a great height. But I'm not going to write a blog on Bobby because he's so dull.

Instead, because wrestling has been so boring as of late, I've devised ways of enjoying wrestling regardless of the quality.

1. The Hulkamania drinking game
So, bruther, whenever it's that time of year when The Hulkster makes his annual-but-they-sell-it-like-it's-once-a-decade appearance in the WWE, he will undoubtedly cut a promo. All you have to do is drink a shot of your choice, everytime The Orange One says "Bruther", bruther. Then when he does his trademark poses, the last person to join in has to finish their drink. YES.

2. The Vintage WCW drinking game

Sometimes, because wrestling on TV is so poor, you might want to put some old VHS stuff that, at the time, you remember as being absolute quality - the best wrestling you've ever seen. So you put it on and watch some old WCW. In this game, you have to finish your drink every time a foreign wrestler gets buried.

3. The Steroids or Work-out Drinking game
You may have noticed a pattern being established by now that my method of enjoying the current state of wrestling includes alcohol and watching tapes of old matches. This game is fun because you get to chant things as a group.

"Roids or work out! Roids or work out! [Enter wrestler's name] YOU decide"

At which point, a pre-designated person decides if someone's on steroids or not. You go around everyone one at a time as the guesser. If they say what the general consensus of the rest of the group is, then everyone has a shot. If they disagree with the general consensus of the rest of the group, then they alone must finish their drink.

The consensus of the group need not be sensible. If the group declares that CM Punk is a Juicefreak after the guesser says he's not, then the guesser must drink up.

4. The Royal Rumble Second Guess Game

Because it's seasonal, I thought I'd throw in a Rumble game for you all for next sunday. At the 10 second countdown, everyone guesses who's about to enter. If you get it wrong, then guess what? Yup, you get to stop being thirsty.

Alternatively, you can do the same with an old Rumble. If you guess a wrestler who's now dead and get it wrong, you finish your drink. If you guess a wrestler who's dead and get it right, then you take a shot.

By now, you should be stupidly drunk. I mean REALLY drunk. So what better way to finish off a night of watching wrestling than with my favourite wrestling drinking game...

5. The "Please stop! Oh the humanity" drinking game

For this game, you will need a DVD or VHS that includes at least one Chris Benoit match. Whenever Benoit puts his opponent in any kind of hold (be it Crippler Crossface or hammerlock), then you have to scream and wail and beg for him to stop. My personal recommendation for this game is Chris Benoit v. Kurt Angle at Wrestlemania X-Seven just for the sheer amount of shoot-style holds employed. Really beg for him to stop it, lest Angle end up like Nancy and Daniel (Rumour has it that Nancy was killed by a mere side headlock).

So there you go, my recommendations on enjoying wrestling again. If you play any of these games, please take pictures of the aftermath.

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