Andrew "Test" Martin Dies

Andrew Martin, better known to wrestling fans as "Test" during his time in WWE has been found dead at the age of 33.

After a chance meeting with Bret Hart at a restaurant in the late 90s, Martin began his in-ring training.

He made his WWE debut in late 1998 after a brief period on the Canadian indy circuit. Introduced initially as the badass bodyguard of Earth's gayest rock band, Mötley Crüe, Test soon aligned himself with Mr. McMahon's evil Corporation.

Having been kicked out of the Corporation for being too cool (he did after all know Mötley Crüe), he played his part in one or two storylines that were quite major at the time but of no real worthiness to look back on in depth right now.

The next peak for the lover of leather pants was when he was repackaged with a new tag team partner - the wrestler formerly known as Prince Albert. They were managed by the incomparable Trish Stratus. Someone who, despite her relative inexperience in the wrestling business compared to them, was easily better than her two wrestlemonkeys.

Test was eventually released by WWE in 2004 after he was injured and allegedly undergoing spinal fusion surgery.

What actually happened on that operating table remains a mystery (In fact, I'm sure we might not ever find out the truth). But when Test made his return to TV on WWE in 2006, it only seemed to confirm the rumours that he had been transformed on the operating table into a Centaur...



Unfortunately for Martin, part of the rehabilitation process for becoming a mythical Greek beast, alongside eating ketamine like it was chocolate frosting to help him sleep, was to take massive amounts of human testosterone. This was to stop him from tipping over the edge (many before him had forgotten to take their supplements and ended up eating straw in fields, alienated from human society). His employers didn't take kindly to this and suspended him for violating their Wellness Policy. He was released from his WWE contract several days later.

As a recently released WWE wrestler, he inevitably ended up on TNA. Despite knowing that he was taking steroids, TNA still employed him. Job security seemed to be on the cards for Martin. That was until the day he was found with a feedbag strapped to his face, stood next to an empty table where Jeff Jarrett's rider once stood. So long Centaur.

In December 2007, after floundering on the independent circuit for a while, Martin announced that he would retire from wrestling after an upcoming tour of Ireland.

I'm happy to reveal the following news. This is a Chewin' The Mat exclusive. On his final tour as a wrestler in Ireland, Andrew "Test" Martin met champion jockey Ruby Walsh. This chance meeting led to Martin training to become a racehorse. In fact, he was due to be the first Centaur to race at the Cheltenham festival in 2009. This caused much controversy, with the Racing Post famously declaring it "a fucking disgrace". Martin argued that his previous attachment to sports with pre-arranged results was enough to get by in British horse racing.

Only Martin's controversial appearance wasn't to be. He withdrew from the event with only days to spare, citing "personal reasons". During this time, his Wikipedia article was altered saying that he'd killed his girlfriend, Kelly Kelly, after going into a rage on a sugarlump-induced high. This later turned out to be false, though Martin was found dead two days later in his Tampa apartment by a local Vet.

A postmortem is due to be carried out.

Andrew "Test" Martin 1975 - 2009

Marks 'n' smarks

This post is epic. But bare with me and the payoff will be worth it.

There are bits of jargon and slang within every niche market and subculture. Pro wrestling is no exception.

I'd like to focus in this post on two terms in particular that are associated with pro wrestling - they are 'Mark' and 'Smark'.

First, 'Mark'. As anyone who's ever seen an episode of 'The Real Hustle' will know, the target of a confidence scam is known as a mark.

According to Dictionary.com...

15. Slang.
a. an object of derision, scorn, manipulation, or the like: He was an easy mark for criticism.
b. the intended victim of a swindler, hustler, or the like: The cardsharps picked their marks from among the tourists on the cruise ship.

This is where the term enters the pro wrestling lexicon. Wrestling can trace its roots back to the days of travelling carnival shows. Some of these shows had the aim of conning and tricking the honest punters, or 'marks'. This is true whether they were on the coconut shy, the duckpond or the wrestling ring.

So when wrestling made its break from the travelling shows, the lingo would obviously stick, and anyone who was wrapped up into believing that what they were witnessing was legitimate competition would be known as a mark. This meaning is still used today when referring to people who believe a bit too much. When people are getting completely absorbed by the show, it's known as 'Marking out'.

The term was used in a derogatory way by the wrestlers back then, and it's used in a derogatory way by some fans (who we'll look at in more detail shortly) that know that wrestling's pre-determined when referring to people who seem to get a bit caught up in the hocus pocus of it all.

A story was recently published in PowerSlam magazine about a former writer who was eventually kicked out of his job by Stephanie McMahon for being "too much of a mark" (read it here). Stephanie even told this poor writer that if the wrestlers found out that he was a "super-mark", he'd never get their respect. Something that somewhat implies that things haven't changed too much behind the scenes of pro wrestling since the days of the travelling shows.

The apparent opposite of a 'Mark' is a 'Smark'. The word 'Smark' is essentially a name invented by members of the Internet Wrestling Community (IWC) who wanted to feel superior to people who enjoyed wrestling at face value. It's a shortened version of "smart mark". Someone who was "smart" to the wrestling business (even since its days in the travelling shows) was someone who knew that there was a pre-determined element to it all. So a smart-mark (or smark) is one who enjoys pro wrestling despite knowing that match outcomes are pre-planned.

One final phrase that I'll briefly cover that is probably necessary to understanding this post is 'Kayfabe'. Kayfabe (possibly pig latin for 'Fake', again from the Carnival days) is the idea that everything that happens in the ring is absolutely 100% legitimately real. For example, kayfabe was threatened way back in 1987 when various news sources picked up on the story that Hacksaw Jim Duggan and the Iron Shiek, apparently mortal enemies in the ring, had been arrested together for possession of marijuana. Despite being one of the funniest and most ridiculous things to happen in wrestling, it opened the eyes of many fans to the true nature of the business (or at least confirmed their suspicions), and that these two guys, rather than hate each other, were actually pretty good friends.

The most important breaking of Kayfabe might not be seen as such. But after the Montreal Screwjob (You need to read that link if you don't know what it is - I'm not explaining it here), there was a pretty public falling out between Bret Hart and Vince McMahon with many statements about how the match was supposed to finish. Kayfabe was thrown right out of the window for the sake of two peoples' egos. It had become public knowledge that wrestling matches had pre-determined finishes.

The implications of this lead to the Attitude era for WWE. McMahon became the evil boss - the foil of Stone Cold Steve Austin (who would, as you know, carry the Attitude era). During this period the line was blurred between works (pre-planned stories) and shoots (legitimate beef and public dirty laundry airing), and kayfabe could be maintained because nobody was sure what was real.

Since then, we've seen the dawn of broadband. Unfortunately, this has heralded a new era for the smarks. People who I believe are becoming the new marks. I reached an epiphany when Mike Adamle was announced as Raw's GM. At this monumental news in wrestling, I hurried, like the rest of my smark brethren, to the internet. Everybody in the IWC thought that it was the worst idea of all time. They thought this because they had a legitimate hatred of Adamle because of his crappy commentary. They couldn't believe that they were giving more TV time to this idiot. Meanwhile, I was in disbelief at what I was reading. This was one of the greatest swerves of modern times. The most hated man on WWE TV was put into a position where he was meant to be hated. Yet people were angry. How was this a bad move?

The Iron Shiek was legitimately hated by fans in the 80s because he was Commie scum - he drew heat better than copper wire. So when they put someone who's legitimately hated by fans (not for being a Commie, but just by sucking hard) into the limelight in 2008, the fans, or rather, the smarks (who know better) think that it's a stupid idea.

The smarks are, dare I say it, marking out!

The more I thought about it, the more I realized smarks were out of the wrestling loop. The idea of mock-battles is inherently ridiculous. Anyone involved in it shouldn't be taken seriously. Yet search on Google for "professional wrestling" and you get hundreds of "news" sites. Apparently reliable sources for backstage gossip. I've used them as sources for this blog in the past (heck, even this post!), but they definitely need to be looked at with caution and not accepted without question - this is the same as every news source, but it's a simple thing that most smarks (who know better) overlook for whatever reasons they may have.

Smarks are the new marks. Using semi-shoot angles is a way to capture their imaginations. The non-questioning of dubious news sources is them suspending their disbelief. KAYFABE LIVES ON!

The matches themselves have changed to make marks of the smarks. Every smark knows that a textbook bump is one that's taken flatly on the back. Most indy feds are full of sick piledrivers and brainbusters that look absolutely brutal. These bumps are obviously not that brutal because they wouldn't be so common if they were.

Yet when people land somewhat awkwardly or in an unorthodox fashion, smarks and marks alike cringe. I've even seen a matche where a concerned fan shouts to a wrestler in the ring "STOP LANDING ON YOUR HEAD!" after he took two consecutive bumps on his head.

I'd sum up this blog by saying that smarks are the new marks. But it's not that simple. If smarks were the new marks, then there'd be a gap at the top of the pecking order for people who were up to speed with the secrets of the wrestling business. The thing is, people who are "Smart" have always been there. The only thing that's changed is that there's a bigger gap in the gulf of knowledge between people who are smarks and those that are smart than there's ever been.

I'll finish with a piece of advice. If you're a smark, stop taking yourself so seriously. You don't know everything there is to know about wrestling, nor will you ever. So stop posting things on the internet that make it look like you think you know everything about wrestling.

My most controversial post yet? Possibly. Hit that comment button.